Uncanny X-Men #103
February 1977
Well, first of all, this issue has absolutely no Jean, no Cyclops, no Professor X, and no Phoenix. This is just pure Black Tom and Juggernaut. It's been a while since I saw the cartoon, but I don't remember the first Phoenix arc being this much of a slow burn. It's nice to see Claremont pacing himself and keeping us guessing, but I'm still getting used to my expectations being off. It kind of helps that this issue is also easily the best Black Tom book so far. And I say that in spite, and maybe even a bit because of the leprechauns.
As always Claremont and Cockrum catch your eyes with a flashy first page. This time, with an unconscious Nightcrawler being carried through a stone tunnel by seven leprechauns. I want to hate this. But it's just so absurd that my desire for serious storytelling is overridden by my love of stupid ****.
The prequel to
Willow was an underrated gem.
How the **** am I even supposed to critique that? How can I possibly do anything but snort in resigned amusement and just go with it? So anyway, I thought the people Black Tom kidnapped were the castle steward's family. Nope. Tom and Juggernaut kidnapped a bunch of leprechauns. There's an honest-to-****ing-god leprechaun hostage situation going on in the pages of
Uncanny X-Men. The Animen are starting to seem pretty down to earth right about now. And now that Nightcrawler has woken up and had his moment of "WTF?! L3PRICONZ DON'T EXIST, YO!", it's now up to him to save his friends who've been captured by Shillelagh-Man/Black Tom.
Unfortunately they're all being kept in some kind of dungeon filled with unnecessarily futuristic, Comic Code-approved torture devices. But most nefarious of all is Black Tom's metal, psychic-torture glove with which it appears he will use to molest Storm. The rape-grin is a dead giveaway.
I can't be sure, but I think that may be the Spinal Tap glove.
Pulpy or not, the quasi-futuristic torture chamber does add a bit of a threatening atmosphere. Claremont does a rather good job of keeping up the energy of the last issue pretty much throughout, and even building on it to make it feel like things are heading for a climactic, shillelagh confrontation.
Luckily, with his image inducer, Nightcrawler is able to trick Juggernaut into busting a hole into the torture chamber's wall, and now with the power of fresh air, Storm regains her senses and blows this popsicle stand with a bit of the wind beneath her wings. Wolverine and Colossus are taken along for the ride with minor protest before being dropped on their primary-colored asses outside the castle.
Please put all adamantium claws in their upright and locked position.
Also, in the confusion the leprechauns are able to escape, and then again rescue Nightcrawler, this time from some fallen rubble, just in time for
him to save Banshee from the clutches of Juggernaut and Black Tom, who are threatening to hurl the Irish stereotype from the top of the castle walls. Thus ensues a most spirited fracas. Banshee has a rematch with Black Tom, who has sadly replaced his shillelagh with an ax, thereby losing whatever interest in him I ever had. The others all take on Juggernaut, with better, though still indecisive results. Oh, and Storm fights the traditional anti-Viking castle defense of arbitrary laser turrets.
The tide finally turns when Banshee manages to hurl Black Tom from the battlements into the raging sea, and there's a surprisingly emotional moment where Juggernaut, without a second thought to his own safety, throws himself after the man who he claims is the only friend he's ever had. Not gonna lie, I was kind of touched.
It's certainly impressive that regardless of this plot's pulpy silliness, I was still slowly own over by some excellent characterization on the parts of Nightcrawler, Storm, and even the villains at the end, though the shillelagh is the real star here.
And to add some actual relevance to this issue after all the pulp fun, we discover at the end that the person who had hired Black Tom and Juggernaut was none other than Eric the Red, the guy who'd captured and mind-controlled Havoc and Polaris way back in issue #97. Eric is himself having his strings pulled by who I assume is the current Shi'ar dictator, whose goal is to prevent "Princess Neramani", who is obviously Lilandra from Professor X's dreams, from making contact with the X-Men. So, the seemingly pointless Eric the Red subplot is merging with the first appearance of the Shi'ar, which will also go hand-in-hand with the main Phoenix uber-plot. There apparently is a method to Claremont's madness. Most bitchin' of all, Eric the Red has enlisted the help of Magneto. Juggernaut is all well and good, but the first battle between Wolverine, Storm, Colossus, Nightcrawler, and mother****ing Magneto is yet more history in the making.
No jokes. Just awesome. Bathe in it.
May the shillelagh be with you... (totally replacing "Excelsior!" jokes with shillelagh jokes for the time being)