The Batlord

Shit. Meet fan. Fan. Shit. Well the slow burn seems to have become an excrement shrapnel explosion. There isn't an emotional roller coaster scene like the goodbye in the space shuttle at the end of #100, or Jean in the hospital after the shuttle crash way back in #101, but as far as fast-paced action with not a hint of pulp this is hands down the best issue of the whole run. There isn't even any competition. You might say it's a bit of an abrupt change, but considering how long we've been building up it's a refreshing change of pace, like a wet dog nose on your back when you're sound asleep.

As usual page one takes off with a bang with the X-Men about two seconds into a confrontation with Eric the Red at their private airfield. It's all lookin' like smooth sailin' and ass kickin' for the team till page two when Fire Lord drops from outer space to take some names of his own. (If you don't remember Fire Lord from the 90s X-Men or Fantastic Four cartoons he used to be one of Galactus' heralds.) Eric plays the victim to convince Fire Lord that the X-Men are the real villains, and the ensuing fight is over almost before it begins. Damn. Ever since they got back from space the team have been doing nothing but getting their asses handed to them from one end of the globe to the other. Juggernaut and Black Tom, Magneto, but none of them has the X-Men into the dirt quite so decisively as Fire Lord.




Cut to a couple bug-looking spaceships near Earth, with Lilandra's ship being chased by a Shi'ar Captain Kirk: he starts off making a verbal ship's log, half slouches in a chair in the middle of a circular bridge, and has an alien science officer (well, they're all alien, but there's no such thing as a science officer except on Star Trek in the first place). Luckily, instead of some homely-looking guy with pointy ears, the science officer is a foxy, blonde, alien chick. But yeah, the captain is totally Kirk. Except with a horizontal, feather mohawk. Anyway, he's pursuing Lilandra under orders of her brother, the emperor of the Shi'ar Empire, and almost catches her until they all panic upon hearing that the Earthlings have previously beaten Galactus four times. Overused plot much? Still, before pulling back they manage to destroy Lilandra's ship, who luckily manages to use a Star Trek transporter to get to Earth. (Oh ****! Apparently the captain's name is actually "K'rk". God bless comic books.)




Cut again back to Earth and Jean Grey's apartment, where she is being visited by Professor X and her parents. With barely two panels of downtime Lilandra teleports right into the room and collapses, and we shortly discover that she is similarly foxy. By giving Lilandra a quick telepathic English course Xavier bridges the language barrier and likewise reads a bit of her mind, which will be important later. From here on it's pretty much nonstop mayhem. It was pretty hectic before, but I checked, and there is only one page until the end that doesn't have an explosion or energy blast, and that one has Nightcrawler swinging from a pole with his tail. Close enough.

As if all of this wasn't upsetting enough, Fire Lord blows up one of Jean's walls like an *******, and declares that he is there to take Lilandra and Xavier. Naturally, since this is the seventies and Jean's roommate is black and has an afro, she draws a revolver, cause she's obviously Foxy Brown. Luckily for Fire Lord she isn't forced to waste this jive turkey as Jean becomes Phoenix and blasts him out of the apartment and out into Central Park, where he promptly falls on and blows up a car. He got lucky.




It's been almost five issues since we last saw Phoenix, and boy does she make up for lost time. Fire Lord is pretty bitchin', and puts up a good show, but doesn't quite seem to understand that they are not going blow for blow. He is getting knocked halfway across New York City. She is not. With crashing flame dudes, screaming civilians, and energy blasts galore this is just what the doctor ordered, but it isn't too long before Jean finally finishes off Fire Lord and blasts him straight to hell (i.e. New Jersey). It's also worthy of note that Jean, while Phoenix-powered, seems to be for the most part herself. Phoenix's personality peeks out here and there, and Jean somehow knows how to use powers she's never had before, but Jean Grey is still in control.




Lest we forget Eric the Red, in the confusion he knocks Lilandra and Professor X unconscious, bringing them up onto the roof of Jean's apartment to be brought back to the Shi'ar emperor via a "stargate", which basically looks like the Stargate stargate if it were constructed from an erector set. Then there's a whole bit where the X-Men ride in to the rescue in an unexplained hover craft and get shot down, which is important since they hadn't been pooped on since the beginning of the book and they were due. They manage to save Xavier, but Eric the Red still ****s off with Lilandra in the stargate, which closes after him.

Too late to do much of anything useful the rest of the X-Men, quickly followed by Phoenix, arrive at the stargate to find Xavier saying things like "Curse you!" He seems disproportionately distraught at the abduction of some random alien chick he has just met, but with a little help from some awkward exposition from Jean we discover...




In some ways this run so far has been kind of overrated since Giant-Size X-Men. There's been hit-or-miss emotional moments, and the tendency to fall back on lame pulp can be aggravating, but the quality is steadily rising as Claremont gains experience. And he's obviously improving. Just look at the difference in quality even of the pulp with the laughability of Count Nefaria vs. the relative sophistication of Black Tom. The main difference being a greater emphasis on character interactions and sequential storytelling that continues directly from one issue to the next. From what I hear, when John Byrne replaces Dave Cockrum as artist with #108 is when the true classic Uncanny X-Men period starts, so I'm looking forward to it.

Well, that's about it. Next issue we get to see what's on the other side of the stargate, and likely get to see even more Phoenix awesomeness as her battle with Fire Lord was clearly a taster. Supposedly Claremont actually wanted her to fight Thor, just to show everyone how much of a badass she'd become, but the Marvel bigwigs apparently didn't want one of their star characters getting beat up by a girl, so instead they faced her off against somebody who'd recently, at the time, fought Thor to a standstill.

Oh yeah, **** you, you sexist Marvel editors and misogynistic comic book fans! You stole Phoenix vs. Thor from me! You can kiss my ass. I hope they turn Thor into a girl just to piss you off. Oh wait...

__________________