Quote:
Originally Posted by Sequoioideae
I'm kinda bummed how lonely I feel right now. One of my "good friends" from back when I was 17 decided to pop up on Facebook again, add everyone but me, and when I shoot him a request he denies it. I used to hang out with this dude every day, jam with him, get lunch at the local deli, just talk about whatever shit was on our minds, he was the only dude I really connected with as far as music goes. He popped up in my mind every now and again, and I've been wondering how he was, and when I'd get to see him again.
I'd also been kinda bummed that the chick I was dating has pretty much ignored me, I can take being rejected, sure, but she invited me to magfest, and a Young Lean show. I got a little to ****ed up one night and it got awkward, but not too weird, from what I remember and I didn't black out or anything, so I can recall everything. I even apologized if I did anything weird (and for almost hulking some dudes door off by accident). She said I was cool, but I'm just a little let down because maybe an hour before she was telling me how cute I was.
I don't know, I showed my text messages and shit between each other to my friend and his girlfriend and asked if I did anything weird. I just feel so defeated, so abandoned by people, and I don't fucking know why. I'm just flat out ignored, and I feel like it's my fault, I want to change whatever I did, and learn what I need to do to not be too weird and alone. I know I can be a downer, and really awkward, but I'm trying so hard to change that, trying to surround myself with fun people, do what I want to do, but I feel like with each rejection it gets harder to go out and do anything.
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I hate to break this to you, but if you're an awkward downer, then you may just be an awkward downer. I don't remember where I heard it, but I've liked this saying for a while now, "At some point you have to accept that your personality flaws are just your personality." You can't take your entire personality apart and rebuild it completely new. You are who you are, for better or for worse, and accepting everything about yourself, whether you like or not, is just something you're gonna have to do, otherwise you're gonna hate yourself a lot more than you need to (If you're the type to just naturally be down on yourself, then you may have to live with that too.)
You wouldn't hold it against yourself for being short, or having blonde hair, so why hold it against yourself that you as a person might have some quirks and flaws that you can't control any more than your height? This isn't a "You rock, and don't you ever forget it!" kind of speech. You may have some legitimately serious personality issues that may have negative effects on your life, which may be pretty much impossible to put a pretty spin on to make yourself feel better about, but it is what it is. You are who you are, so there's no point in railing against the universe for not being able to change yourself. Just be an awkward weirdo and move on.