CoNtrivedNiHilism

So, this past weekend, I was at the beach, and a beach house with my fiances family, always nice getting away with them all...

I found myself walking along the shoreline often, just alone with myself and the sea, along with my thoughts. Many topics came and went in my head, some to amuse myself with, and others more serious in tone. I am a thinker. There's never a time that my mind is still, calm, or not heavy with anything in particular. Some things I thought about was my dream to stand on a stage, I wanted, or still want to do that, be it in a band or just as a guy doing open mic nights at local bars to sing my songs to uninterested, nameless people, as I don't know any of them. I'm still pretty young, 28 in just shy of four months. So you'd think that I wouldn't be so down at not really even trying to start up a band when I'm still young, I've got countless notebooks, scraps of paper in shoe boxes with lyrics all over the pages, or page, singular. Saying I've probably written a thousand songs wouldn't be stretching things, as I've written lyrics since I was pretty young. I am hard on myself about this because I'm willingly let this dream slip on by without so much as a thimble fill of regret about it, and so I wonder how badly I ever or even wanted it to become reality. All it would take is getting myself out there, meeting like minded musicians to get this thing rolling. If I ever get to that point, not something for sure...

I also thought about the whole thing going on with legalizing marijuana, where I stand on the matter. Honestly, I'm conflicted. On one hand I think it could help stimulate the economy, but on another, I think about my nieces, my own children and how having marijuana more available, legal mind you, will leave them exposed to it so young without a choice in the matter; contact highs...so, the protective part of me would rather not have it legal and available to purchase like cigarettes, just for the fact that cigarettes or most smokers in general, just do not seem to consider that maybe people don't want to have to breathe in the toxic fumes. Yes, I understand I can simply move and leave the smoker to marinade in their own fumes, but it is how so many are so rude about it, like, just light up right there in front of a mother and her baby, and blow your smoke around them...how nice.

My distaste my seem trivial to some of you, but they're valid reasons to dislike cigarettes. Why does it seem like such a task for any of you to ask the person next to you if they mind if you smoke, or to abide by laws and smoke in designate areas if you're in public or places of business? Because all my life, I have not witnessed many courteous smokers that take any of that in account, so why would anyone that smokes marijuana be courteous either when places for them to smoke other than their own homes are marked just as areas meant for people who smoke cigarettes? I guess respectable people or being courteous is nearly extinct...

So anyway, I am conflicted about legalizing marijuana. I am not completely against it, I think there could be positives out of it. But then you've all the asshats out there that ruin it for everyone with their foul attitudes.

Anyway, haha yeah. Just some things I thought about.

Sorry if my journal entries aren't central to music, I like to just write about whatever pops in my head.