Created by two alumni from the anarchic classic sitcom “The Young Ones”, the series stars Adrian “Ade” Edmondson as Eddie Hitler and the late Rik Mayall as Richard Richard (usually referred to as Ritchie) in a carryover from a previous comedy starring them both and using the same names though different surnames, “Filthy, Rich and Catflap”. Eddie and Ritchie are two ne'er-do-well wasters who spend their days moping about their flat, moaning about why they never get girls and devising ever more complicated and outlandish ways to fill the boredom between waking to another day on the dole and heading to bed.
Showing the stunning creativity and acting talent of the pair, one of the episodes takes place entirely aboard a giant ferris wheel, which is due to be demolished later. Many comics can do a solo stand-up routine but it is quite another to do that on TV, deprived of props, distractions or a straight man. This is something Richard Wilson found to his cost when he starred alone in one episode of the hugely popular “One foot in the grave”, one which most people agree was the least funny of the entire series.
Though both are hilariously funny in a “God-they-didn't-did-they?” kind of way, in general Mayall was seen more as the straight man (though paradoxically was the most funny --- the guy who's hilarious because he doesn't get the joke) and Edmondson the witty one. But each worked extremely well off each other, which is why with the sudden passing of Mayall it is almost certain there will be no more of this series, which ran from 1991 to 1995, and the future of Ade Edmondson is, at this moment, uncertain.
But back in 1992 they were at their creative peak, Mayall had yet to experience the horrific quad accident which would later lead to his untimely death, and moving into the last few episodes of the second season of their wildly successful show. As October gave way to November and the nights began getting both colder and darker, the bumbling duo decided to take on the fast-approaching Christmas, in their own inimical way.
Bottom: "Holy"
Ritchie is like a child, waiting for Christmas with joy and excitement, though also playing the role of Santa Claus to them both. Little does he know, though, as he steals into Eddie's bedroom, that his friend has set a most complicated trap for Santa, and he is soon dangling from a noose. As he kicks his feet and struggles for breath, Eddie cuts him down (after first telling him “It'll cost ya ten quid!”) and Santa/Ritchie hobbles, bloody and limping, out of the bedroom. Returning a moment later (just as Ritchie this time) he pretends excitement --- (“I thought I heard sleighbells, Eddie! Has
he been?”) --- he proceeds to open all the presents that have been left, while Eddie tries to sleep. It is, after all, only 3:30 AM!
After the present opening, it's time to get ready to make the Christmas dinner, so while Ritchie gets the turkey ready Eddie decorates the place, which basically involves him spraying “Eddie is great” in spray snow on the walls. Unfortunately there's a traditional Christmas accident, as Ritchie chops off one of his fingers with a cleaver. Eddie staples it back on, and by the time Ritchie recovers consciousness it's almost time for dinner, and the guests, such as they are, are arriving. These end up being Eddie's dodgy mates, Spudgun and Dave Hedgehog, who are less than impressed with the meal they are served up. Well, they would be, wouldn't they? The potatoes are so hard they break the plates when dropped on them, the sprouts are as crunchy as hell, and due to a miscalculation on the timings, the turkey has been reduced to a tiny, crisped husk. They're also drinking gravy, as “somebody” has polished off all the sherry!
As Ritchie tries unsuccessfully to engage the guys in games, there is a ring at the door and Ritchie discovers that someone has left a baby on their doorstep. Taking it indoors, he is somehow unaccountably seized by the notion that this is the Second Coming, and that he is the Virgin Mary! He quickly begins to plan revenge on all those who offended him, now that he has been revealed as the mother of God, but all too soon their landlord knocks, declaring that the child is his daughter's and that he just left him there as it was too much hassle to take him with them to the bedside of his wife, who has very selfishly started to die on Christmas Day.
QUOTES
Eddie: “Did you post my letter to Santa Claus? Cos I can't seem to find the “Starbird” that I asked for. Or me Batman cape. Or the ticket to the Bahamas!”
Ritchie: “I thought you said you were going to get me something sun-kissed and exotic?”
Eddie: “And I have! Just open it.” (Ritchie does)
Ritchie: “It's a miniature bottle of Malibu. Correction: it's an
empty miniature bottle of Malibu.”
Eddie: “Correct. Merry Christmas, Ritchie!”
Ritchie: “Well, what use is that?”
Eddie: “You can use it to keep Malibu in. Just keep it away from me!” (Hiccups)
(Through a complicated set of circumstances I'm not going to write about, and which you'll only understand if you watch the episode, Ritchie is looking into a “play telescope” at a drawing of Sue Carpenter. Uh-huh.)
Ritchie: “Why's she got only one knocker?”
Eddie: “No, that's not a knocker. It's a speech bubble. She's
talking to you, look!”
Ritchie: “Oh yeah!
Fik off ... you sad ... pathic ... winker! Ooh! I wonder what she means?”
Eddie: “Oh no! Not sprouts! I hate sprouts!”
Ritchie: “Will you stop whinging, Eddie?
Everyone hates sprouts!”
Eddie: “Then why are we having them?”
Ritchie: “Because it's
Christmas!”
Eddie (looking at the turkey): “What you going to do with it?”
Ritchie: “Well, it's the season of goodwill and peace on Earth, so I thought I'd chop off both its feet, rips its innards out, strip it, shove an onion up its arse and stick it in a very hot place for four hours till it's completely burned!”
Ritchie: “Oh god! What's the procedure for someone who's chopped off their finger?”
Eddie: “I think .... they bleed to death in about half an hour!”
Ritchie: “Come ye! Come ye! God rest ye merry gentlemen, let nothing ye dismay. Remember ....” (Looks confused, unable to remember the rest)
Dave Hedgehog: “Is it Christmas? Today? Oh well, Merry Christmas then. Must be why that woman gave me that aftershave this morning.”
Eddie: “What woman?”
Dave: “Oh you know, that woman who's always hanging around the house. What's her name? My wife. Andrea. No, Avril. No, what am I thinking of? Susan! That's the one.!”
Spudgun: “See they changed the titles to
Emmerdale Farm. Just called
Emmerdale now. Doesn't take so long to read. Gives them a lot more time to do other things, pack more story in.”
Ritchie: “I've got a baby.”
Eddie: “We don't want a baby. Get rid of it. We're happy as we are. Why spoil everything? We'll drift apart. I mean, it's bound to come between us!”
Ritchie: “Well, I think it already has. Come on Eddie! It's time we faced up to our responsibilities! We can't go around being playboys forever! Besides, it's a fact now. We have to deal with it.”
Eddie: “Why couldn't you have been more careful? ”
Spudgun: “Poor little mite. What a way to spend your first Christmas.”
Eddie: “What? Lying on your back with a bottle in your mouth? Sounds pretty good to me!”
Spudgun: “Poor little blighter. No family, no friends, no Christmas presents.”
Ritchie: “Well, he's got us now.”
Spudgun: “Yeah. Look, he can have my present, a box of Terry's All-Gold. We'll have to wait till his little teeth come through before he can manage the chewy ones.”
Eddie: “Yeah, he can have this Frankenstein mask I was gonna scare the s
hit out of Ritchie with later.”
Dave: “And he can have my bottle of aftershave. It's a new one. It's called “Grr!”
Ritchie: “Gold, Frankenstein, and “Grrr!” (Looks up at the three of them kneeling before the cot, with their paper hats on) “And you're all wearing crowns!” (And notices the blue shawl he has been entertaining the baby with, now wrapped around his head like a scarf.) “And I'm a virgin! Guys, if I was you I'd stay on my knees! This is it: this is the Second Coming!”
Eddie: “I'm not gonna allow the arrival of the son of God spoil
my Christmas!”