The Batlord

Dear Ms. Dumb Bitch Blocking My Way,

I would like to thank you for stopping your shopping cart in the aisle, right next to a stocking cart that had been left there by an employee. I mean, it would be understandable had you done this for five seconds while picking something off of a shelf, or if you just didn't see anyone around you, but it takes a special kind of cunt to just stand there, blocking my way, when I am clearly right in front of you. I also very much appreciate it that you pretended not to notice me when I tried to move the stocking cart, so that I could get by, and continued to stand there with your thumb up your ass. And the employee who grabbed the stocking cart when he saw what was going on was an asshole. How dare he show basic courtesy.

I hope your children drown in a toilet,

The Batlord


Dear Stupid, Old People Who Were Also Blocking My Way,

Granted, I was behind you, but it was still magical how you decided to stop right next to someone else, completely blocking the aisle for a good thirty seconds. Now, I don't know who stopped next to who first, but you're all a bunch of delightful fuckwads who will thankfully not be on this earth for much longer, allowing me to shop in peace.

Here's hoping your relatives pull the plug sooner rather than later,

The Batlord


Dear Poor Person Who Can't Read a Coupon,

So, regardless of whether you all want to admit it, the most irritating sight in a store line is someone who is clearly on the lower end of the economic spectrum, holding a coupon. I don't know if they are feigning ignorance in the hopes that the cashier will just give in and let them use a "buy 2 get 1 free Kraft macaroni and cheese" coupon when only buying two of them, or if their lack of education leaves their reading comprehension level with something to be desired, but what I do know, is that I want you dead. Dead dead. Do not pass Go, do not collect two hundred dollars, just die. Painfully. Hopefully I will be able to watch. And if not, someone please film it.

Yours in withering contempt,

The Batlord

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