Time for the final batch of selections before the New Year rolls in. I knew this was going to go beyond Christmas, but now that it's going I want to make sure to finish it, even if, as it will, it brings us out of Christmas and into the New Year.
Here we go then!
Year: 1992
Medium: Colour
Starring: The Muppets! (And Michael Caine)
Directed by: Brian Henson
Length: 100 mins
Brief comments: What's not to like about the Muppets? Kermit as Bob Cratchit, Robin as Tiny Tim, Fozzie Bear as Fezzi --- sorry, Fozziwig! The usual mix of jokes and great songs, clever little cameos and a story that follows the novel very closely indeed, The Great Gonzo as Charles Dickens notwithstanding. I think this may take some beating!
CHARACTERS
Scrooge: It's Michael Caine. Need I say more? Yes, I need. To act as he does, even being the total acting colossus he is, with mostly only muppets to spark off, is truly genius. A very high 9 for his portrayal of the old miser.
Marley: Here's where I have a slight problem. The idea of having
two Marleys is an interesting one, and allows both Statler and Waldorf to reprise their favoured roles as hecklers, this time from beyond the grave, but I feel it stretches the credulity a little. And it was not necessary. Though he takes a different role, Sam the Eagle would have made a perfect Marley. For what they are, they do what they do though and I really can't award them more than a 5. The song is good though.
Cratchit: Kermie! The frog has to be awarded a 10, only the second time I've done that for this character. How could you not?
Tiny Tim: And as only the second Tiny Tim not to annoy me, Robin his nephew gets another 10. Cute without being nauseatingly so. He sings, but does not make me want to retch when he does.
Others: Miss Piggy as Mrs Cratchit is ok, but I've never liked the pig. Gonzo has to get a rating as Dickens, give him 8. Rizzo the rat is annoying and unnecessary, and just for their appearance as the gentlemen seeking donations from Scrooge, Beaker and Doctor Bunsen Burner get an 8 between them.
The Ghosts: The Ghost of Christmas Past: Something of an annoyingly squeaky voice, kind of half looks like an angel, bit irritating. But the scenes are represented well. Say a 6
The Ghost of Christmas Present: Jolly giant whom it is hard not to like. 7 for him.
The Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come: Given that he's a silent spirit, not a bad representation, and I'll say another 6.
Faithful to the novel: Extremely. Almost word for word in places. Got to be a 9 here.
Emotion level: Some, especially in the Cratchit household after the death of Tiny Tim. 7
Puke level: Zero
Horror level: Again I say, are you fu
cking kidding me? Horror? With muppets? Nah. Zero.
Soundtrack: Decent songs, not too annoying, well written. Say a 7.
So our total then is
92. Being a Muppets movie adds an extra 5 and the appearance of Caine easily another 5, so that's a
Grand Total of
102! Told you it would be hard to beat!
Year: 1997
Medium: Colour (Animated)
Starring: Tim Curry, Michael York, Whoopi Goldberg, Ed Asner
Directed by: Stan Phillips
Length: 72 mins
Brief comments: For a 90s animation this is very flat and two-dimensional, quite Hanna-Barbera: there's even a dog like Spike in it! The colour is pretty washed-out and the movements are jerky, though that could be my connection I guess. Too much usage of the phrase “Right?” which is not proper for the time period.
CHARACTERS
Scrooge: Meh. Even with Tim Curry voicing him, he's pretty unconvincing. Drawn well, but that's about it. I'll give him, let's see, 5. The addition of a pet dog does nothing for him, and is a typical animation trick, to make it a bit more cute. Fails on all counts, unlike The Muppet Christmas Carol with Gonzo.
Marley: Given what they could have done with animation, even in the late 90s, Marley is handled poorly here, just a man surrounded by a faint green glow. He does describe what some of the links in his chain are though, which is a nice touch. Even so, I think he only deserves a 5.
Cratchit: Basically okay, but just that. 4
Tiny Tim: Almost non-existent. 2.
Others: n/a
The Ghosts: The Ghost of Christmas Past: A bell boy? A bloody
cockney bell boy? Give me strength! Worst yet! A poor 3
The Ghost of Christmas Present: Whoopi Goldberg does a very bad Miss Marple and though the figure is black she puts on a cultured white voice, which robs the figure of any originality. A very low 4 for her, and that's being generous.
The Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come: Big purple Scooby-Doo ghost surrounded by purple glow. Bah. A 3 for him.
Faithful to the novel: Pretty much so, though a few scenes are missing. The inclusion of the dog is an annoying distraction however. Say, I don't know, 7?
Emotion level: Little really. Give it a 1
Puke level: If it wasn't for the song about “Santa's sooty suit” I'd say no, but that earns it a good -4
Horror level: Zero
Soundtrack: Meh, it's ok; some good songs but nothing terribly groundbreaking. Say 6.
Total then is
36. I have to add the stars on, and there are four of them so that's an extra 20, giving us a Grand Total of
56. Pretty low really, but about all it deserves.
Year: 1999
Medium: Colour
Starring: Patrick Stewart, Richard E Grant
Directed by: David Jones
Length: 95 mins
Brief comments: Make it so! Stewart was born to play this part, so how does he do? See below, but with two titans of the cinema in this I'm expecting really great things and a high score to rival the best I've yet seen. There's an interesting start, with the funeral of Marley, and a few bits added or changed here and there, but generally speaking I'm not as impressed as I had expected to be.
CHARACTERS
Scrooge: Well, to be honest it's like watching Picard play Scrooge. I kept expecting at any moment that Data would come into the holodeck and inform the Captain that they had achieved orbit. Stewart plays the part exactly like Picard; he's only short of barking “Make it so!” I can't say I'm enthusiastic about his performance. 6
Marley: Ghostly and not badly acted, but nothing terribly special. Say 6.
Cratchit: Grant is good in the role, almost saving the movie, not overly simpering and not too annoying. Have to be a good 8
Tiny Tim: Not too annoying, though he does have to sing! Let's say 6
Others: Interestingly, Liz Smith of
The Royle Family fame here plays Mrs. Dilber, the same character she played in the 1984 version, so for that I guess you have to award her something. 5.
The Ghosts: The Ghost of Christmas Past: Oh dear! Looks like a cross between Data and some gay clown! Quite innocuous though, and the scenes are well represented. Let's say 7
The Ghost of Christmas Present: Refreshingly different, in that he's not the “jolly green giant” of most other movies, but a downbeat, almost sad figure. For the difference alone I think he has to get an 8, though with I now see Want and Ignorance featured I'm upping that to 9.
The Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come: Big blue silent guy, reminds me of an oversize Jawa! Cartoonish. Score 4.
Faithful to the novel: In many places, almost verbatim, though there are some slight diversions. It is, however, the first one to show the couple rejoicing at Scrooge's death due to their debt to him. Overly dramatic ending though, when he falls into his own coffin just before waking up. Pity. Altogether I would think 8 would be a fair score here.
Emotion level: Zero. It's like watching a holodeck episode of “Star Trek” mostly and it's hard not to equate Scrooge with Picard.
Puke level: Zero, though the dancing scenes at Fezziwig's always annoy me.
Horror level: Zero
Soundtrack: There's not a lot of music in it. What there is is made up of basic movie music and a few rather annoying songs. Say 5 for the lot.
So our total then for this version is
64, and with the two stars added in that's another 10, so a
Grand Total of
74. Not great really, and something of a disappointment.
There probably was never any real doubt --- after all, who can stand against the frog? --- but in any event. “The Muppet Christmas Carol” sweeps the boards here and comes in as not only very much the highest score of this trio, but I believe the highest score of any of the versions we've looked at up to now, and I sincerely doubt that anything following it is likely to beat that score. So Kermit and his men march happily into the next round.
And this being the last triplet to be posted before the New Year, it's perhaps appropriate that it also brings to a close the twentieth century versions. As we enter 2015 we'll be looking at the remaining six examples, whereafter the knockout rounds will commence.
For now, a very Happy New Year to you all!