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12-12-2005, 04:54 PM

i think theres excessive rhyme, its not descriptive enough, and phrases like "it dont work" and "makes a smirk" dont really fit and need editing... also the whole unrequited love thing is kind of old...

12-12-2005, 04:54 PM	#3 (permalink)
pastor of muppets Guest Posts: n/a	i think theres excessive rhyme, its not descriptive enough, and phrases like "it dont work" and "makes a smirk" dont really fit and need editing... also the whole unrequited love thing is kind of old...