i have been thinking about some of the criticisms i've gotten on this site and from people in my real life as well, about being heartless and being a dick and all that. i know people get the vibe that i actually enjoy that sort of thing but to be perfectly honest it's more of a defense mechanism than actual pride. plus it's a way to try to disarm people. basically trying to sound self aware, but in all honesty i'm not really that self aware. i rely mostly on how people respond to me to gauge my character flaws.
what is weird is i didn't used to be this way. people used to think i was nice. somewhere along the line i lost my conscience. or at least a good part of it. nowadays it's like the only thing i feel guilty about is not feeling guilty enough about terrible things i've done. i dunno how to go back to the person i used to be. can't afford a shrink anyway
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