Okay, well it’s now February. I had intended to have this all tied up and over and done with by January, but what with Star Trek Month and other things, I’ve let it slip. So there’s now no longer any hint of Christmas feeling, all the presents have been returned for the things we really wanted, the bottles are empty or put away for next year, perhaps to be used as gifts for other people, and the credit card bills have landed on the doormat. It’s a new year, and Christmas is a distant memory as the shops already try to sell us Easter Eggs. So let’s wrap this up before it gets embarrassing. What do you mean, that ship has sailed?
So we’re left with two finalists, as both “The Muppet Christmas Carol” and Kelsey Grammer’s “Christmas Carol: The Musical” fought off all comers to land a place in the top two, and now we have to decide who will become the ultimate version of the story committed to the screen? As we have done up to now, we’ll begin with characterisation.
Scrooge
Muppets: Well, as fine an actor as Michael Caine is, and well enough though he plays the part I feel he was always, as any live actor will be, going to have to play second fiddle to the Muppets themselves. So while he gives us a great performance it’s often that our attention is elsewhere, as Kermit or Fozzy or even Gonzo divert it, and the whole idea of Scrooge being the central character is a little subverted here.
Grammer: On the other hand, Grammer’s performance, on a par certainly with Caine’s, has him in centre shot every scene almost, and if we’re not appreciating his acting we’re delighted by his singing. He drives the movie, as Scrooge should, and our attention is hardly ever taken away from him.
So on this evidence, Grammer gets this easily.
1-0 to Kelsey Grammer’s 2004 version
Marley
Muppets: Much as I like Stadtler and Waldorf, and their song is funny, I just can’t get my head around the blatant changing of the storyline to allow for
two Marleys. It’s a step too far.
Grammer: And although I don't like Seinfeld, I must admit Jason Alexander plays his part really well, good effects and the
danse macabre fits in perfectly with the song. A little overlong perhaps, but streets ahead of the two Marleys.
So again, it’s
2-0 to Grammer here.
Cratchit
Muppets: It’s Kermit, so how can you vote against him?
Grammer: Really, nothing special at all. Muppets take this round without even breaking a sweat (do Muppets sweat?)
2-1 to Grammer now
Tiny Tim
Muppets: It's Kermit’s nephew, Robin. he’s so cute!
Grammer: Again, nothing to write home about and annoying in a way Robin is not.
So another victory for the Muppets, levelling the score now at
2-2
Others
Muppets: We have Gonzo as Charles Dickens, who though I don’t like Gonzo I have to say plays the part really well and moves the story along. It’s also a clever device that removes any need for a narrative voiceover. Then there’s the inspired pairing of Beaker and Doctor Bunsen Burner. Hard to beat all that.
Grammer: The only other real character here is the girl whose father is in debt to Scrooge and whose house is about to be repossessed. She’s good, but doesn’t add enough to the story to beat the Muppets, who take this round, edging into the lead.
3-2 to the Muppets!
And now for the
Ghosts.
Ghost of Christmas Past
Muppets: Nothing special. The voice was an annoying squeak and the idea he or she might have been an angel was a little confusing.
Grammer: Well I’m still having wet dreams about her, so she wins by a pair of very shapely legs!
Ghost of Christmas Present
Muppets: Friendly guy, big Muppet and quite serviceable if nothing terribly special.
Grammer: I’m afraid I didn’t like him, and his stage production just bugged the tits off me. So the Muppets win this one.
Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come
Muppets: Always hard to rate this guy. Dickens wrote him as little other than a silent cloaked figure, so without interfering too much with the original there’s not a lot you can do. Their version was ok I guess.
Grammer: Interesting idea to have the Ghost in white instead of what has been remarkably the pattern, black. Also the idea that it’s female, and based on someone Scrooge has met, is clever. All of which swings this well into Grammer’s corner.
So the score is now
4-4, would you believe!
Okay then, they’re our characters. Time to move on to the other factors.
True to the novel?
Muppets: Very much so, with hardly any deviation, even given the little comedic asides with Gonzo and Rizzo.
Grammer: Adds in quite a lot to the original story, but as I said earlier rather than detracting from the story they actually make it more kind of fleshed out, and I think Dickens would have approved. Hard one this.
The Muppets satisfy the criterion of sticking to the story, but so many other versions have done so, that I think Grammer’s version was brave and visionary in adding on as it did, therefore I’m awarding this round to him.
5-4 to Grammer.
On the rest of the categories --- Emotion, Horror and Puke level --- everything is pretty much as you were, so that leaves us with
Soundtrack
Muppets: Some good songs, fairly twee but you’d expect that.
Grammer: A triumphant full score with some amazing songs, and really keeps the music going even for dialogue. Well, it
is a musical from a stage play! The juxtapositioning of songs like “It is nothing to do with me” at the start to “It’s all to do with me” after his conversion, in a sort of 1970s Finney way is well executed, and I really have to give this to Grammer, making the score
6-4 to him.
So is that it? Or is there anything else we can look at? There’s no point in looking at stars, as both have a
bona fide screen icon playing the main role, and though the Muppet Christmas Carol has no other stars
per se, the Muppets are all stars themselves, so their presence kind of cancels out the host of other stars in Grammer’s version, leading to a draw there. There’s overall enjoyment I guess, but then I thoroughly enjoyed each, so that would be a draw too. I guess you could say the Muppet version is an original screenplay, whereas Grammer’s is based on a stage play, but then, he was in that too, so that still makes it pretty original in my book.
I honestly don’t see any other factors to be taken into consideration, and so I declare the winner of the Scrooge Showdown, the alltime best ever movie version of “A Christmas Carol” to be
Thank you all for sticking with me, and may God bless us, every one! Or something.