Quote:
Originally Posted by GuitarBizarre
Protip - There's no such thing as the friend zone. They're just bad at communicating that they're not into you, and you're not good at picking up that they're not.
Key takehome point - Sometimes someone likes you and isn't into you despite thinking you're attractive and nice. I have a female friend. Alternative model, thin, attractive, could have had a thing a long time ago but didn't get to that point.
In retrospect I:
1 - Still think she's pretty
2 - Still think she's a great friend
3 - Recognise that I am totally, totally the wrong type of dude for her to be with romantically. Everything I offer to her life socially is in terms of stability and support that wouldn't happen if the expectations of a romantic relationship were added into the equation. If we'd gotten together, the first arguments would have been the last arguments.
And that's fine. Sometimes someone isn't being a dick if they're not after your crotch vegetables. And sometimes people are better together if the between-the-legs-mambo isn't on either person's mind.
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I worked at a grocery store in Rhode Island as their cart guy once. My entire job consisted of gathering shopping carts from the parking lot, and I had to wear one of those neon safety vests.
Anyway, since I was relegated strictly to the parking lot, I didn't get to associate with most of the people who worked inside the store that much. The only person I'd really get to talk to much would be whoever they had as a greeter, plus there was an armed security guard and a police officer that stood at the door who I would talk to sometimes (the store was in the projects).
So I became pretty good friends with one of the greeters who worked there. She was in her young 20's or so and she had a kid, and she was generally a nice and decent person so I was nice to her. But she wasn't physically attractive to me at all and so I had no romantic interest in her. She came on to me awkwardly a number of times and when she demanded a reason why I didn't want to date her but was still nice to her I would say the kind of stuff women usually reject men with. Stuff like "I just don't see you in that way" and "I'm not into you like that."
Basically trying my best not to be insulting while making it clear I'm not interested. Because there was really no polite way to tell her directly why I wouldn't date her. I won't even go into detail on it here. But she kept acting confused again and again as if I were somehow leading her on by continuing to be nice to her while not wanting to get sexual. She basically left me no options besides continuing to be nice to her while not ****ing her which is leading her on, or tell her that she's not attractive which there's just no nice way to put to someone.
So I agree with you that the friend zone thing is bs made up by guys that can't take a hint.