Urban Hat€monger ?

My one and only blind date........

I get a call from my friend we'll call him Craig.
Craig tells me that we're not meeting in the pub that night after all we're going to this French Bistro instead, then he tells me to make an effort with my appearence. I think nothing of the change of venue as we regularly go there to meet up en mass on special occasions, I just assume someone we know is back on the island or it's someone's birthday.
The clothing comment does puzzle me though.

I get to the bistro, Craig tells me the reason we are there is because his girlfriend, we'll call her Mandy wants to set me up on a blind date with one of her friends (we'll call her Doris) because Doris saw a picture of me with Craig at Craig & Mandy's place and liked me. He tells me it's nothing to do with him and I tell him I'll go along with him so he can get extra brownie points with his girlfriend. He also tells me it's Doris's birthday.

Mandy arrives with a 300lbs goth girl called Doris. I act nice and say hello and buy everybody a round of drinks. We sit down at the table, Doris spends the next half an hour talking to Mandy about the guy who nailed her the week before and makes no attempt to talk to me at all. All through this Craig is doing his best to hide his laughs from Mandy, I just sit there and down as much beer as I can.

An hour later Doris and Mandy finally finishes their conversation with each other and notice myself and Craig. We hit another bar, I'm left alone with Doris. I try to have a conversation with her, she answers with one or two word answers and asks me nothing, the most interesting things I can establish about her is that she enjoys soap operas and getting drunk. Thankfully after about 5 minutes of this torture Craig & Mandy show up with more beer and Doris and Mandy go back to their conversation.

We hit another bar, this time as soon as we walk in myself and Craig see some friends and we go over to talk to them leaving the girls by themselves. Later at the bar when I'm getting a refill Mandy comes over to me and asks me if I'm going to talk to my date, I just laugh at her.

I go to the downstairs bar while Craig meets some other friends I don't know that well and I see my sister sitting at a table with about 8 of her friends, a few months earlier I spent a week with my sister and 4 of her of her friends when we all went away to a friends wedding and spent most of that week getting drunk. This was the first time I had seen them since so they invite me to join them. One of my sisters friends, we'll call her Andrea, didn't go with us on that week, she's also not seen me for a few months.

Did I mention that every time I see Andrea she flirts with me ... heavily?
No?
Well she does.
I sit down with my sisters friends, Andrea comes over sits on my lap and starts whispering in my ear.
Mandy & Doris walk by to go to the toilets, Doris sees me sitting at a table with 9 girls with one in my lap looking like she's about to stick her tongue down my throat. She turns away in disgust, Mandy looks at me like she wants to kill me.
I spend a bit more time with my sister then I go rejoin Craig.

About an hour later Mandy & Doris turn up again to leave.
Outside Craig asks if anyone is going clubbing, Doris says no looking annoyed and walks off without saying goodbye to anyone, Mandy follows her looking really pissed off with us both. I tell him he's in shit tomorrow, he says he knows.

We then go to a nightclub and just laugh about the whole thing.

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