Quote:
Originally Posted by RoxyRollah
Why is this weird brother? That's the beauty of an ex. You can make them into whatever you want , when you want, to suit your needs. We all have people like this, in our lives people that we loved, and shared bucoupe amounts of time with, that left an impact on us. And sometimes failing at something is the hardest thing to look at so we scapegoat because it's eaiser to compartmentalize it by demonizing that person. It's not ****ty judgement, we are attracted to people based on pure instinct that none of us really understand. You like who you llike and that's all there is too it . Is it a good arguement for liking an axe murderer? No. But it's the only argument. I'm used to it and look at like this. For example my ex, a real ****ty person, just a bad dude. Hell I got a text from his mother that said he's a bad apple. Now when yer momma turns you in and says yer a bad motha****a , you a bad motha****a. Anyway his current wife can't undersatand why in the world he still talks to me or has anything to do with me. (IE: seeks me out) I have tried to exsplain it to her over and over. And it's a hard pill to swallow that yeah you might be his baby momma or whatever, but you will never compete with me, because I am his ex. He can demonize me, he can villify me, he can romanticse me . I am imortal. And knowing that and being able to say that to another person is an exstremely self awear place to be in. So no I don't look at Lil's situation as a laspse in her judgement. And he made an impact on her, for better or for worse. I kinda look at like it's a badge she earned, she can do what ever she likes with his memory.
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I would generally refer to that as failing to move on.
I have an ex that I once posted about in great detail on here. (Don't search for the post, I deleted it shortly after). Her effect on my life was literally years of severe depression, for which I've been medicated twice after stressful circumstances renewed that mindset.
My desire is no longer to tell everyone how horrible she is. My desire is to carry on with just not giving a ****.
I know another guy who is HIV positive because of an ex. She literally ruined his life in the most horrible way I can imagine. His personality permanently changed as a result, in some very weird directions, but, again, he's now living his life as a "**** you, I'm fine" to that experience.
I think if you want to rationalise holding onto a grudge like that and maintaining contact with someone who is, ultimately, a hate object, then that's an understandable (circumstances depending) but undesirable admission that you've been unable to move on and define your own terms for happiness - People in that situation are seeking validation from the other person involved, an admission or evidence in some way, that they are less happy than the person doing the hating. It's a very destructive cycle.