The Batlord

Batman does awesome ****. We know this. But sometimes he outdoes even himself, and I intend to document these moments. History will thank me one day. Today's Batmoment comes from the first (yes, the first) Batman/Spider-Man crossover. There really isn't a whole lot to say about the issue itself. I mean, on paper, it should be the ultimate culmination of all that comic books have been trying to achieve for three-quarters of a century: Batman teaming up with Spider-Man, Carnage teaming up with the Joker, what the **** else do you want out of life? Too bad just about everything about the issue is phoned in. Carnage actually comes out looking cooler than the Joker, just cause the writer clearly has no idea what to do with him besides make him a more malevolent version of the Adam West version. And Peter Parker has a mullet. A ****ING MULLET!!! God damn nineties.




However, there are three things that make this vaguely worth reading.

1.) There's actually an interesting comparison between Spider-Man and Batman's motivations and their consequences on their respective lives: Peter was raised normally, with loving guardians, which, along with his relatively mature age at the time of the tragedy which set him on his path, allowed him to live as normal and fulfilling a civilian life as one can while fighting villains in technicolored spandex; whereas Batman losing his parents at a much younger age robbed him of a healthy childhood, making him a far more dysfunctional superhero whose development as a normal person was stunted.

2.) There's a pretty bitchin' scene between the Joker and Carnage that compares their murderous, chaotic personalities, while revealing that they can never in fact work together, as Carnage operates purely on his homicidal instincts, making him impatient and bored with the Joker's more methodical, "artistic" modus operandi.

But we're here for reason #3. A single page that illustrates (pun intended) the ultimate comic book law: Batman always wins. Just like Batman beats Superman in The Dark Knight Returns, and outwits by proxy the entire Justice League in JLA: Tower of Babel, Batman proves his superiority over Spider-Man. Not with fists or gadgets, but with a much more subtle show of awesomeness.

Another comic book law is that Spider-Man never shuts up. No matter how bad the situation, his mouth continues to run, and his enemies become ever more infuriated, often leading to their downfall. It's just the way it is. Until now. Decades of fighting some of Marvel Comics' most heinous villains haven't managed to shut Spidey's mouth, but one look from the Batman is all it takes ...

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