Today I was walking home with my groceries when I was confronted by two Mormons who wanted to talk to me about Jesus and underwear and all this ****. I listened to their spiel for about thirty seconds until I remembered that I had frozen foods in my bag and it was pretty hot out today. To get out of their grasp I told them "I appreciate your concern, but my love for Satan is unyielding. Loving God or Jesus is basically the only thing that I can't do." Apparently, during all that time in the temples these boys hadn't been exposed to snark and one of them seemed to be on the verge of tears. The other looked shocked and handed me a card saying "take this and we'll pray for you."
Here's a picture of my trophy:
