Had the opportunity to have sex with a man again recently. Granted it was shortly after drinking more than I could handle, having an anxiety attack, and making a fool of myself. I'd be a billionaire if I got paid for all the stupid embarrassing **** I put myself through. It wasn't under ideal circumstances. I'll spare the details but it seemed a little shady. Ultimately I think I just enjoy the attention. The company I've been around for most of my life has put me in places where I feel ignored by women who see me as failing and pretending to adhere to more conventional standards or falling short to alternatives. So I default to any attention I do get... which has always been from gay males. It's nice to feel appreciated by people who see you for who you are outside of orientation but ultimately it's just not for me. It's weird seeing how people react to that though, the dude I was with seemed pretty pissed after I turned him down. Thanks for the weed and the brandy but that don't mean I'm gonna friggin blow you dude goddamn.
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I spit bullets in my feet
Every time I speak
So I write instead
And still people want me dead
~msc
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