You have to hand it to them. Would anyone have bought a record called “Scottish boy” sung by a woman with a deep Glaswegian accent? Unlikely. But “Japanese boy”? Now that's a whole different kettle of sushi! Take one lady who lives across the northern border and give her a song about a Japanese girl desperately seeking her lost lover, and what have you got? Surprisingly, and perhaps to our collective shame, you have a number one single and the end of what could have been a promising career for Mary Sandeman. I mean, with a name like that she should have gone places on her own merits, but no: this song was presented to her and she gamely donned the kimono and knitting-needles-in-the-hair (why do they do that?) and began warbling in what could only be described as a really bad Japanese accent to accompanying cliched oriental keyboard music, and a legend was not born.
Japanese boy --- Aneka --- 1981
Written by Bob Heatlie, himself a Scot and most famed for his collaborations with Shakin' Stevens, notably the trembling one's Christmas song, “Merry Christmas Everyone”, the song tells the sad tale of a lady who goes to a passerby in the street (maybe a policeman; would make sense but then what about this song and its popularity makes sense?) and explains she has lost her lover and wishes to find him. Description miss? A Japanese boy. Yeah, I didn't ask for his nationality miss. Any distinguishing characteristics? Birthmarks? Hair colour? Eyes? Name even? A Japanese boy. Yes, you said miss. I understand he's Japanese. But you must understand, there are probably in excess of a million resident Japanese in London alone. How can I find one unnamed member of their nationality in a city this size? Surely you have more I can go on? No? A Japanese boy you say. Again. Fine miss, I'll take a note and if I see any Japanese boys I'll tell them you're looking for them. Name? Aneka. Very good miss. (Don't blame him if he did run off on her. Loony cow.)
What is it about this song? It's a throwaway, below-par pop song that even the famed Stock, Aitken and Waterman would blush at having written, and yet it got to number bloody one. Well I'll tell you what it is about it, what got it there: the hook. If this had just been a song about someone losing their boyfriend in a strange city then nobody would have been very interested. Well okay, there was Bonnie Tyler's "Lost in France", but that's a little different. But make it all exotic, as the Vapors once remarked, turn it Japanese, and suddenly everyone's dancing making slanty eyes and making praying motions with their hands, and the cause of East/West relations has been set back decades. Funny thing is, they wouldn't play this in Japan because it sounded too Chinese!
After the smash hit that was “Japanese boy”, Aneka, or Mary Sandeman, found it difficult, even impossible to ditch the image and was unable to be taken seriously as a singer again. Well, you wouldn't, would you? She only released the one album under that name before retiring, probably richer but somehow in a real way poorer for the experience. Thing is, nobody --- including me at the time, who of course hated the thing --- had any idea she wasn't really Japanese or that her name was not Aneka, but Mary. Still, maybe she should have asked them to write a followup called “Scottish girl”, wherein the Japanese boy seeks his Scottish .... no? Ach, see you Jimmy!
