that's pretty much exactly how i feel. and then anxiety overrides my better attributes so instead of coming across as me i'm offputting and rude. and then i see that i've been offputting and rude and feel bad about myself. and then it's self-pity party. and then i get paranoid about all the other **** i might've done to seem off putting and rude... im a neurotic mess and always have been. anti anxiety medication kills my motivation. weed just ends up making more paranoid. drinking makes me act like an idiot most of the time. i don't make friends easy, the ones i do make im distrustful of. i can't relate to my body and am completely lost sexually. my family is finally trying to help me and im so confused by it that i won't let them. it's mostly the stupidest ****ing problems with the easiest answers but living the change is ****ing exhausting. maybe i'm wrong, maybe more functional people struggle just as much. they're just stronger. idfk.
__________________
I spit bullets in my feet
Every time I speak
So I write instead
And still people want me dead
~msc
|