I have some of the same problems really committing to friendships emotionally. It doesn't help that I've always worked minimum wage jobs, where the only potential friends available to me were morons. Occasionally I'd make a friend, even rarely finding a group to hang with, but as they were always intellectually beneath me, and often basket cases such as myself -- which is likely why they wanted anything to do with me in the first place -- that I'd never really be able to overcome a sense of superiority. It's not like I inwardly sneered at them, but I couldn't help but feel better than them -- and since they were often not the best people on Earth, it's not like I was always wrong -- and even if it wasn't obvious, I imagine they could at least subconsciously recognize that I never considered myself one of them.
Aside from them sucking as people, this was a big reason why I was always a bit of an outsider when I was hanging out with those Juggalo dudes. I had to dumb myself down a lot of times, as using big words often made them insecure, and talking about anything remotely intellectual just wasn't on the table. I don't know if they talked about me behind my back about stuff like that, but I definitely felt a certain distance from them that left me unable to ever really let down my guard around them. We had some good times, but I think I always knew that they were my friends simply because I had no one better to talk to.
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Originally Posted by J.R.R. Tolkien
There is only one bright spot and that is the growing habit of disgruntled men of dynamiting factories and power-stations; I hope that, encouraged now as ‘patriotism’, may remain a habit! But it won’t do any good, if it is not universal.
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