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Originally Posted by grtwhtgrvty
Definitely. I'm not saying that my perspective / philosophy is inherently without flaw. I've just been ****ed over a lot of times and growing up I was inevitably abused in some capacity by pretty much every single adult in my life that decided to be my guardian. My mom, my dad, my grandmother, my uncle, my aunt, older friends, my brother, etc. I've even been dropped by a therapist before. I don't think I've had a relationship in any capacity that was 100% healthy. I guess that doesn't really exist. Relying on them was what actually made me feel alienated. I don't feel insulted when they see I need help. I just hate the idea of feeling like a burden, really.
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I feel you on the alienation thing. When you rely on others to an unhealthy level, it creates a world where you're less a person and more an extension of the other person. Depending on how much of this dependence is emotional, as opposed to simply monetary (like living with a mother who isn't a Steve Wilkos reject), then their leaving basically leaves you alone with the person (you) who you've created, and since so much of that person was dependent on another, then there just isn't enough of you to extend beyond yourself and into the outside world in any kind of healthy, constructive way. Not to mention the bitterness against the outside world that you perceive as having failed you.
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It's been such a struggle for me to follow my dreams as an artist given my tumultuous lifestyle. I've had so many people ask me what my plan B is... so many people condescend me for wanting to be a musician. I know what it feels like to just flat out not have parents and to feel completely without any type of support system and it breaks my heart to think about all those kids who are cycling through the foster care network. I don't know if I'm doing it for me or if I'm doing it for the child, but I'm going to break the cycle.
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Not to give the kind of condescending lecture that my family is so adept at, but it's understandable that others would think that you would need an alternate plan when pursuing a career with such a low chance of success (i.e. being at least able to pay your own bills). I guess with that kind of path though, you kind of need to commit to it with an almost unrealistic mindset. If you're not into it 100%, then you're gonna fail, almost no question, and I suppose a Plan B would leave you with a mental safety net that might make it much harder to really have the necessary drive.
I forget who it was -- I think it was the singer for The Haunted -- but he basically said that you kind of have to fool yourself into thinking that it'll all work out, just to get yourself through the times when you'd otherwise listen to your common sense, throw in the towel, and go get a "real job".