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Old 06-15-2015, 11:19 PM   #15308 (permalink)
The Batlord
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Join Date: Jan 2011
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Originally Posted by Exo_ View Post
*this might get spoiler-y*

Raptors are feared dinosaurs in every single film about dinosaurs that has ever existed. This film treats them like dogs. It LITERALLY treats them like dogs, complete with obedience, loyalty, and feelings. I'm sorry, but Raptors don't have ****ing feelings. They don't get sentimental about a character who feeds them. Hell, if the film showed us that Chris Pratt raised these ****ers from birth it'd be one thing. The film made it a mission to point out that every single dinosaur on the island was genetically created and modified by scientists. These things should have only two functions, which actually gets pointed out in the film...eating, hunting, and ****ing. That's all. No ****ing memories of when Chris Pratt threw rats at us and used his clicker thingie to get us to chase goats. **** that. That's stupid. The fact that they actually have full on conversations with each other...and another specific dinosaur...is just stupid. I'm not talking about dinosaur language. I'm talking about literally at one point one dinosaur looks at another and says "thanks for fighting with me. It has been a pleasure" while the other dinosaur responds "the pleasure was all mine.". That's how it was shot. That's how it was conveyed. I literally threw my hands up and said aloud "what the **** is going on?"

Look, I don't expect Scorsese or Kubrick when I go see a film about a dinosaur amusement park. The film was fun and was filled with action and Chris Pratt. That alone is worth your 13 dollars. I could not however get over the stupid jokes at inopportune times, the cliche "every Michael Bay has these" moments of dialogue and kiss scenes, and the complete misuse of terror inducing velocoraptors like they were dogs. Trevorrow seemed to change his mind constantly throughout the film about what kind of movie this was going to be. The plot was all over the place, trying to be funny one moment, while switching gears on a dime and expecting the audience to be terrified. It's a mess.
The thing that struck me as by far the most stupid...

Spoiler for spoiler:
Was when the pterosaurs, who as far as we can tell, hunted fish and some of them maybe small animals, all of a sudden decided that they were going to be flying death machines for no apparent reason (BTW pterosaurs couldn't fly, only glide). It was stupid in 3, and it was extra stupid in this one.

And as goofy as the whole Casper the Friendly Friendly Dinosaur thing was, at least when they turned on the humans, it was an awesome raptor massacre.


Seriously though, those films are nothing without Spielberg. Even 2, as dumb as it was at times, still had scenes that were highly memorable, whereas I will have trouble remembering anything from this one, just like I really can't remember a damned thing about 3. Spielberg knows how to make a cheesy creature feature into a legitimate horror movie. I mean, just about half the scenes in the first one are still iconic, just because of how he knew how to build and release tension. None of the other movies ever elevated themselves above B-movie-with-a-budget status.

Another thing that none of the other movies have even tried to do, is capture that feeling of childlike wonder. Every time Alan Grant got that look on his face like a kid on Christmas morning, was just magic. I was about five or six when Jurassic Park came out, and it perfectly tapped into that part of every young boy's soul that just worships dinosaurs. It'll always be my fav Spielberg movie for that. Jaws can be as well made as it wants to be, but I never saw Jaws at least five times in a movie theater, just cause I couldn't convince my mother to see it any more times.
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