Jaap Blonk, Koichi Makigami, Paul Dutton, Phil Minton & David Moss – Five Men Singing
I have no idea what the **** this even is, but if Frownland think's grindy "might win" for suggesting this, then I'm sure I'll love it. Beanie wearing ****.
1. "No Drone Rising" 7:34: I don't know what that is, but something tells me it isn't bullfrogs, though it sure sounds like it. I think it's the five singing dudes. God damn it. They're bullfrogging louder now, and it's like Tibetan monks on acid are doing the zombie intro from "Hell Awaits". It started out pretty goofy, but it's kind of becoming unsettling now.
And now they sound like Humpback whales. Zombie Humpback whales? Yeah, they're back to sounding goofy.
WTF? I can't tell if one of them is gargling mouthwash or taking a nasty dump.
As amusing as this is, does it actually have any point, other than an exercise in just how weird the human voice can sound? I want to get this for my grandmother for Christmas. Everything about it is unassuming, until you actually listen to the damn thing, and it will utterly confuse the **** out of her.
2. "Cappa" 2:43: Considering how goofy and arbitrary their vocalizations are, the attitude they seem to have about this whole thing, and just how not weird the presentation of the physical album is, I'm convinced these guys are just having a lark, and don't give much of a **** about anything else.
I guess I could tell you what the music is like, but I would just be using more variations of, "Listen to how weird these dudes sound." It's not even three minutes long, so I'll wait to get back into that.
3. "Quiet Neighbors Moaning" 6:43: Just FYI, I would much rather listen to this than either of Frownie's recs. Those were either irritating or just plain dull. This is at last whimsical and amusing.
First, some dude sounds like a bird in the rainforest, then another dude starts making wheezing sounds, then another guy sounds like an engine, now another one is making weird snorting sounds that sound like they must be hell on his sinuses, then he's making sounds like a demonic Donald Duck, etc. Honestly, actually talking about this song would basically require a five page bullet point list of every sound effect that these guys make.
However, I'm sure the amusement factor will quickly wear off, and I'll spend the next however-the-****-long waiting for this silliness to be over.
I heard you laughing in the background, you trolling ****s! They recorded themselves laughing in the god damn background. Their music might be an endurance test, but I still like these *******s as people.
4. "Six Cobbings" 6:59" There's no way these guys can be taking this seriously. As an exploration of the human voice or whatever, I'm sure they're dead serious, but as far as this actual performance goes, they're just ****ing around.
Is that guy gonna finish hocking that loogey already? I like the Japanese guy sing/speaking Japanese like he's constipated. And the one who can impersonate a Theramin is quite impressive.
Have I mentioned that this is entirely a capella?
5. "Haiku Sonic" 8:56: There's no way anybody can be listening to this for pleasure. Are they even getting some kind of hidden emotional thing that I'm entirely missing? This can only be one of those chin-stroking things that pretentious douchebags like to interpret just so people can hear them interpreting it, like the whole blues-that-doesn't-sound-like-blues nonsense that Frownland was spouting earlier.
God damn it, why do these things always have to be so long? Can't these weirdos be goofy in nice, thirty minute chunks? Why do they have to cram everything they can into an album, like some rancid, misshapen sausage.
Alright, that guy is just making farting noises, and you can't pretend he's doing anything more artistic than that.
I think this music is somehow making my eyes hurt. That's never happened before, but I'm sure this album is the cause for my current eye pain. Sometimes the guys are just making random noises apart, but then they'll combine to make this dissonant cacophony that just drills right into my ears... and into my eyeballs, apparently.
6. "Ten Tones High" 4:54: The pain seems to be dulling, but it's still poking at the back of my right eye.
They actually sound like they're singing this time. They sound like a choir made up of, and trained by fellow retards would, but they're still singing in something approaching a normal fashion. Although, I guess when they started making lip flapping noises, then that's what a choir of retards would probably sound like as well. That's some hella loud lip flapping noises BTW.
That's some hella loud cat strangling noises.
7. "Four Way Four" 3:09: Twenty-two minutes left to go! Let's do this.
Occasionally this music honestly cracks me up it's just so ridiculously absurd, and I'm pretty sure that the guys are doing this live, because they're clearly cracking each other up as well (along with what I'm assuming is an audience). Even the guys singing are laughing at times.
8. "Nosing Around" 4:13: More goofy vocal noodling. Not sure what more to add at this point. Oh wait, they seem to be flicking their throats. I can't say that's new, but it's the first time they've done it all together, not to mention for an extended period of time.
One of these dudes is clearly taking a ****. I think he succeeded as well.
9. "Tough and Rumble" 7:47: Noises. Noises. More noises. How much longer on the whole album? Thirteen minutes? ****. I'm amazed my patience for this has somehow managed to hold on by the skin of its teeth for so long, but I think I'm finally done with this.
Song isn't even half over yet. God damn it.
Two minutes.
Forty-five seconds.
WTF? Has my brain been misfiring? Cause I just looked at the timer after another twenty seconds or so, only to find that I had a whole minute left. Well it's over now, so who gives a ****?
10. "Five Men Singing" 7:03: Home ****ing stretch.
Still not even a third of the way through the song. Song is as described above BTW.
Half over. **** yes.
Two and a half minutes left.
Weird dudes reaching some kind of crescendo of random noises.
Minute left.
Done. Thank god.
I must say, as tedious as this is to actually listen to, it's also amusing, so long as you can maintain a hold on your sense of humor long enough to keep the irritation at bay. I'm also rather impressed, not just at the sheer variety of noises these men can make with nothing but their voices, but I'm assuming this was also all improvised live. An hour of this ****, nonstop, would leave my voice shot for a week, but these freaks don't even seem to have broken a sweat by the end.
Still, I will probably never listen to this album in its entirety again. I may come back to it in small increments, just to assure myself that it exists, but that's about it.
Final verdict:
/10