The Batlord Shuts Pet_Sounds' Ugly Face Up By Reviewing a ****ing Billy Joel Album
Attila - Attila (1970)
OMG WTF?! Is it just me, or is that the worst/best thing you've ever seen? I wonder which dead cow Billy's piano is hiding behind. If you don't know the history of Billy's first band, then neither do I, but just know that he had one and it was a heavy metal band and this is going to be hilarious...
Hey, it's a Sir Lord Baltimore album! Except it's not. Flac really makes it sound good though, so whatevs. This is actually far more badass than any Billy Joel album I was expecting. This is badass for 1970, period. But it seriously sounds like Sir Lord Baltimore. Who came out the same year. I don't know what to think about that.
Joel is also a more engaging frontman than your average metal singer, with a flamboyant, more than slightly OTT performance. As a result he dominates the music a bit too much, and is slightly higher in the mix than perhaps he should be, so it makes sense that he would go the solo, singer-songwriter route. Regardless, he's putting in a performance that doesn't sound like he's copying this, that, or the other singer (except for the guy from Sir Lord Baltimore, but he's doing what that guy did up to 11).
Alright, about halfway through, and the musical meandering is getting to be a bit self-indulgent. I've just been waiting out "Amplifier Fire (Part I: Godzilla/Part II: March of the Huns)" for the last two minutes. It just keeps going on. And on.
Maybe that song just exhausted me, but I'm caring a lot less about this than I was the first couple songs. The album is more straightforward again, but it doesn't seem to have it all together as far as writing songs goes. It seems to want to be progressive but kick ass at the same time, but the meanderings just take the punch away from the metal, and I don't give a **** about prog.
God damn, all these songs are at least five minutes long. ****ing Billy Joel, dude. I was with you for a little while, but now I'm just waiting this out. There's just nothing to hold onto. I want to dig it, cause there's some badass riffs here and there, and some heavy drum hits, but it's just all over he place.
One last song, and of course it's almost six minutes long. This album needed some serious editing. God damn it, more long-winded wank, just like the song that closed the A-side.
Lol. Straight-up blast beat @2:00.
Oh my god, **** you, Billy Joel! I'm wasting flac memory space on this god damn thing, and all you're going to do is jerk off? Thank god there's only a minute left.
Bam! ****ing done! Billy Joel can suck my fat cock. Now get your ass writing that Manowar review, you Canadian, Beach Boy-loving ****!