Manowar - Kings of Metal (1988)
This album is where Manowar really jumped the shark. They'd been plenty cheesy before, but now they crossed the line into full-on self-parody. It's probably also the album that saved them. After running out of creative steam on
Sign of the Hammer, and presumably caving to record company pressure to tone down for mass consumption on
Fighting the World (to absolutely no results),
Kings of Metal found them rejuvenated, with a new sound, and a new sense of "**** you" -- presumably also caused by whatever went down with
Fighting the World.
Firstly, there's still plenty of the epic heavy metal from
Into Glory Ride and
Hail to England, but there's a new power/speed metal edge to a lot of the songs on here -- such as opener "Wheels of Fire, and closer "Blood of the Kings" -- that really gives the music an energy they hadn't really had for the most part since
Battle Hymns.
The other big change is the presence of actual ballads. It's funny that they'd play around with those on the album where they
quit trying to attract mainstream exposure, but these ballads never fall into "Home Sweet Home" territory. "Heart of Steel" and "Kingdom Come" are basically what power ballads would sound like if they were recorded by metalhead morons with more leather than sense (imagine that). It takes a special kind of person to like a Manowar ballad, and I can understand if you think they're just cheesy ****, but I love them.
Now, about that jumping the shark ****. Rather than try to write something cohesive, I'm just going to go down the line here and list the main ways in which Manowar are ridiculous on this album... yet somehow make it work. (We're ignoring the lyrics, since Manowar's lyrics should just be assumed to be dumb.)
1.) "Kings of Metal" - The title track is facepalm worthy. I suppose it's not necessarily any worse than "Warlord" or "All Men Play on Ten" as far as dunderheaded self-aggrandizement goes, but I just feel like they turn it up to eleven on this song (Spinal Tap reference intentional). The reason it works? This song is just so catchy, heavy, and anthemic that you can't help but get swept along when Eric Adams sings, "Other bands play!" followed by the gang shout response, "MANOWAR KILL!!!" This song just sucks so good.
2.) "The Crown and the Ring" - Objectively, this song is a complete failure. It's just a ballad, where Eric Adams sings about battle over low key synths, and then they jam a chorus sung by a choir after every verse, as if you don't have to do anything else to justify a choir. It's meant to sound epic and stirring, but it's just so self-indulgent and ridiculous that it's hilarious instead. The reason it works? I guess jamming a chorus sung by a choir after every verse can't help but sound kind of epic and stirring, no matter how much you **** it up. Brilliant dumb song.
3.) "The Warrior's Prayer" - Oh my god, this track. This ****ing track. After you've listened to it once, you can skip it forever after. Thank god I live in the age of easily skippable digital music, or else I probably would have listened to the song it introduces a lot fewer times. It's just an old man telling his grandson about some battle being waged by four "METAL KINGS!!!" -- presumably Manowar -- against the armies of the world. It goes on for over four god damn minutes. The reason it "works"? You'll only listen to it every once in a blue moon, but when you do, it will make you smile despite yourself at its absurd grandeur.
As far as I'm concerned, the only
real fault with
Kings of Metal is that the three ballads -- along with the prerequisite terrible bass solo -- all sit in the middle of the album, without any pure metal tracks to liven things up, which kills a bit of the album's momentum. We're also going to pretend that the execrable "Pleasure Slave" isn't on this album, since it was only added for the CD rerelease and I immediately removed it upon download. I honestly don't even remember what it sounds like.
I can't sign off without mentioning "Hail and Kill" though. It's by far the most epic song on this album, though it starts off almost like a ballad, before ramping up into heavy/power metal gloriousness of the highest caliber, with a gang shout chorus that sends chills up my spine at just how badass it is. And the line at the beginning, "May your sword stay wet, like a young girl in her prime" is moron metal genius.
If you love Manowar, you love this album, but if you think they're an embarrassment, then this isn't going to convert you. It is however, the ultimate example of the sound for which they've become known, and it's just too bad that they'd never again be able to so almost perfectly bring together all of the goofy-yet-glorious elements that make it such a monumentally flawed masterpiece. Hail and kill indeed.