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fiddler · 08-11-2015, 05:55 PM

Fall in and look like you know what you're doin'!

I hate closing old cases, which is basically what I spent all day doing. I wrapped up 32 old cases, some from 3+ years ago, some from 2 months ago. Most of them were marked "DECEASED" on either the victim or offender parts which essentially makes them closed cases. For instance a case that happened twenty-one years ago, the guy punched another guy in the face whilst on post. Both have since passed away, so both got a DECEASED stamp.

One case, Guy A ran a stop sign, which then Guy B t-boned Guy A. Completely Guy A's fault, and this was technically resolved 4 months ago - insurance and such. But not officially resolved. All was lacking was a singed copy of Guy B's statement literally "He ran the stop sign, I hit him in the door." Signed & dated. That's it. I had the statement, all I needed was a signature. Easy, right? Apparently not. I drove 45 minutes to Guy B's house to get him to confirm and sign his statement - he refused to talk to me! So I called my JAG, and my JAG talked to him and tried to convince him to talk to me. So he invites me into his house, and I tell him what I wanted.

He told me that I could kindly carry my stupid ass back to wherever the hell I came from, and proceeded to knock my folder of paperwork out of my hands and kick it across the room. At this point, I've had enough, and I tell him to put his hands behind his back and interlace his fingers, that he's under arrested for interfering with a Federal investigation. I mean, are you fucking kidding me? It was literally so simple as to sign a statement for a traffic incident that has already been resolved. So lesson: want to be a douchebag over something simple, sit in the brig for a while see if that changes your attitude.

Although for real though, there were some really stupid and some really interesting cases. A lot of them were simple lapses in paperwork (such as that) where it's already been resolved but is left open due to paperwork errors. For instance one guy decided to dump 300g of laxatives into the cake mix for the post commander's birthday party a few years ago. That one got a DISCHARGED stamp indicating that the offender had been discharged from the Army, and was no longer subject to court martial. One guy flung poo at a Captain six months ago, but the Captain has since relocated to Germany and is unreachable. That one got a S.O.L. EXCEEDED stamp, indicating that the Stature of Limitations had been exceeded.

Other than that, Fort Bragg's Post Commander moved on to bigger and better things, so we had a Change of Command ceremony. It wasn't overtly exciting, just more involved for us.

Alright ya lumps of laziness, move it on out.

08-11-2015, 05:55 PM	#54 (permalink)
fiddler Music Addict Join Date: May 2015 Posts: 242	Fall in and look like you know what you're doin'! I hate closing old cases, which is basically what I spent all day doing. I wrapped up 32 old cases, some from 3+ years ago, some from 2 months ago. Most of them were marked "DECEASED" on either the victim or offender parts which essentially makes them closed cases. For instance a case that happened twenty-one years ago, the guy punched another guy in the face whilst on post. Both have since passed away, so both got a DECEASED stamp. One case, Guy A ran a stop sign, which then Guy B t-boned Guy A. Completely Guy A's fault, and this was technically resolved 4 months ago - insurance and such. But not officially resolved. All was lacking was a singed copy of Guy B's statement literally "He ran the stop sign, I hit him in the door." Signed & dated. That's it. I had the statement, all I needed was a signature. Easy, right? Apparently not. I drove 45 minutes to Guy B's house to get him to confirm and sign his statement - he refused to talk to me! So I called my JAG, and my JAG talked to him and tried to convince him to talk to me. So he invites me into his house, and I tell him what I wanted. He told me that I could kindly carry my stupid ass back to wherever the hell I came from, and proceeded to knock my folder of paperwork out of my hands and kick it across the room. At this point, I've had enough, and I tell him to put his hands behind his back and interlace his fingers, that he's under arrested for interfering with a Federal investigation. I mean, are you fucking kidding me? It was literally so simple as to sign a statement for a traffic incident that has already been resolved. So lesson: want to be a douchebag over something simple, sit in the brig for a while see if that changes your attitude. Although for real though, there were some really stupid and some really interesting cases. A lot of them were simple lapses in paperwork (such as that) where it's already been resolved but is left open due to paperwork errors. For instance one guy decided to dump 300g of laxatives into the cake mix for the post commander's birthday party a few years ago. That one got a DISCHARGED stamp indicating that the offender had been discharged from the Army, and was no longer subject to court martial. One guy flung poo at a Captain six months ago, but the Captain has since relocated to Germany and is unreachable. That one got a S.O.L. EXCEEDED stamp, indicating that the Stature of Limitations had been exceeded. Other than that, Fort Bragg's Post Commander moved on to bigger and better things, so we had a Change of Command ceremony. It wasn't overtly exciting, just more involved for us. Alright ya lumps of laziness, move it on out. __________________ Every being is intelligent. But if you measure a fish's intelligence on it's ability to climb a tree, it will live forever thinking it's stupid. Last edited by fiddler; 08-12-2015 at 02:53 AM.