(From the writings of Eldritch the Incomprehensible, High Wizard and Chief Scribe to His Imperial Majesty, Incepticus The Optical Illusion. Believed written around 145 AD (After Dinner)...
Coming down from the hills like a great black cloud
With guitars, drums and keyboards, voices strong and proud;
Solos scorching the air, Pounding music everywhere
With leather jackets and long matted hair
They’re pouring from out of their lair --
Look out! Hoorah!
Feel the ground shake beneath your feet
And tremble if you’re a poser!
Hear the riffs and feel the beat
As the metal hordes come closer!
Raise your fist and hold it high!
You’re among friends: don’t be shy
And let out a blood-chilling cry:
You know Metal cannot die!
Raise a mighty shout! Huzzah!
For this is the time you have waited to see
When all other music from here will flee
It’s the first of October, it could only be
The onset of
It’s what it’s all about! Yee-Hah!
My apologies. It’s stupid I know but Health and Safety insist I run this warning so here goes…
And with that, may I bid you welcome my friends, welcome! It’s a free bar and we’ve paid off the cops so there’ll be no complaints from the neighbours. Hell, half of you ARE the neighbours! You know, when I was contemplating getting this researched and written, around July or so, I began to think on the enormity of the work involved and wondered was it worth it, should I perhaps just leave it at the two specials and concentrate on other things? Was it going to be too much hassle, too much work, too much effort for too little reward?
Yeah. Then I tore off my skirt and grew a pair of balls and said to myself “F
uck you Troll! Man up, you pathetic wimp!” And so I did. I decided though as you’ve all realised to take a month off from the forum, just to allow me to really focus my attentions on this, and quite frankly I was surprised by how much I got done over that period. Initially, it was a case of “will I have enough to fill 31 days?” Now it’s very much a case of “How do I fit all this into just 31 days?” What a difference taking a break makes, huh?
Last year I believe I boasted that this Metal Month would be the best yet, and I think I can say without fear of contradiction and with a small sense of pride that I have kept that promise, reached that target and even way overshot it. This year, we have so much Metal even you diehard Metalheads may grow tired of it. Nah, not really: who could ever get tired of Metal? But I feel confident that there is something here for everyone, and I’ve been very careful, as ever, not to only feature the music I like, but to step beyond my own preset boundaries and venture into areas I do not normally frequent, and to try out subgenres that are not usually my bag. But that after all is what I try to make Metal Month be all about. If I only featured power metal, prog metal and Iron Maiden, a lot of you would shake your heads and say, what’s the point? No black, no thrash, no death metal? Metal Month my arse. Or ass, if you’re American as most of you are.
And you’d be right. So although I will by no means ever manage to cover every subgenre, either in this Metal Month or future ones, I do and will try my best to make it as all-inclusive a feature as possible. Your help here is invaluable, as you have shown me bands I never knew existed, subgenres that are completely new to me, and helped me explore music I would never really have attempted to before. Through the
Members’ Top Tens and
Don’t Listen to That --- Listen to This! features, I have come across some incredible (and some not so incredible) music and been turned on to some great bands. More importantly, I’ve tried to make sure that I cover everyone’s tastes, or as far as I can anyway.
So thank you to those who helped me create this through their contributions and suggestions. You’ll all be properly credited and thanked in the “liner notes” when this wraps up on October 31. Right now, before we get started, I’d like to introduce a new concept I’m starting this year, which I’m calling
Trollheart’s Hall of Heavy Metal Heroes
All this is, basically, is my attempt to give back to and thank those who have made the effort to comment in or contribute to Metal Month in so far its third year, It’s your chance to earn your seat in the Hallowed Hall of Metal Month by my side. Those who earn higher places through their contributions will be awarded titles, land and riches. Except for land and riches. Your names will then be recorded every future Metal Month, and at the end of this, as collaborators and partners in the enterprise. Some have already earned their place through their work in previous years, and these I will list shortly. For now, I just want to list the various honours.
At the very top of the tree, second only to me and sitting on my right hand side is the
Champion Knight. There is only one of them and he is my second in command. Note: I say “he” not only because I don’t think there are any recorded instances of a female knight (other than in
Game of Thrones) but because over the last two years I have seen exactly zero input into or interest in Metal Month by females here. But that can change, and if it is to, then you ladies need to be the ones to change it. If you earn your title, I have absolutely no objection to female Knights, and will not have a problem awarding such honours.
Next down are the
Senior Knights, of which there can be only four at any one time. These are followed by
Knights (eight only) and then
Junior Knights, whose numbers are not limited, and finally there are the
Squires, who are the lowest in the pecking order, but still several cuts above serfs and peasants.
How do you go about aquiring these honours? Well, I don’t want to bore those who are not interested, so I’ve linked to the rules for application here. If you’re interested then you’ll know what to do.
This year we have even more sections for you, more bands and artistes, and of course my usual quirky brand of humour (which is to say, robbed from the work of others) sprinkled throughout these coming thirty-one days. Here’s a list of what you can expect this year:
FEATURED ARTISTE: As mentioned early last year (perhaps even during Metal Month II, if I recall) this time out we’re checking out the entire discography (studio only, as ever) of one of the oldest and most respected Metal bands,
Judas Priest.
FRESHLY FORGED: Looking at and reviewing the best new Metal albums to hit the shelves this year.
THE INTERNATIONAL LANGUAGE OF METAL: This year we’re concentrating on the Metal emanating from
Israel, Iran, Syria and
Bosnia.
THE METAL THAT MADE ME: More of the albums I enjoyed, or at least listened to, in my youth, which got me into this music.
HEAVY METAL HONEYZ: Checking out the ladies in Metal
DON’T LISTEN TO THAT --- LISTEN TO THIS! More of the albums you have suggested I should give a chance to.
WHAT’S THAT ALL ABOUT? This year it’s
Atmospheric Black Metal that goes under the microscope
METAL GOES TO THE MOVIES: Metal songs which have been used in movie soundtracks
THE BATLORD’S TORTURE CHAMBER: Batty is back to try to ruin my life with four albums he considers so awful I’ll just fall apart. We’ll see.
MEMBERS’ TOP TEN: This year it’s the turn of
Frownland, Ninetales and
Wpnfire to have their top ten albums scrutinised under my unforgiving (to say nothing of blinking) gaze
WHEN WORLDS COLLIDE: Metal sometimes isn't fussy about who it goes to bed with and can lie down with some mighty strange partners. See the weird collaborations I’ve come across in my research
TRIPLE BOXSET: Three more albums from … well, just wait and see!
ALL YOU NEED IS...METAL? Metal covers of Beatles songs
Also two very special Guest Reviewers, The Meat Grinder, more compilation albums and a whole lot of other stuff you can’t even begin to guess at!
One thing is for sure: it’s gonna be a busy month, especially for you poor mods (sorry guys!) --- expect a minimum of FOUR updates EVERY DAY, possibly even five. There is a LOT to get through. As ever, feel free to comment, disagree, laugh at, agree with, correct or otherwise interact with me during this annual celebration of all things Metal. It’s your participation and feedback that makes this worthwhile, and keeps me doing it year after year. So let me know if you like/don’t like something, and I’m always open to suggestions (that’s actually anatomically impossible, Batty!) and ideas.
And now, finally, with no further ado, let me throw the gates wide and invite you in!
