I find it perhaps odd that Batty has chosen a grindcore album for his next attempt, as he knows what I think of the grind; still, I suppose there are only so many subgenres he can choose from, and again maybe he's holding back the best (worst) till last. Whether that is the case or not, it seems we have approximately forty minutes of this album to get through, and nobody will, I think, be surprised at a) my reaction and quite likely b) the dearth of things I can say about it. Oh well, let's get it over with huh? An Iron Maiden album review awaits...
Burn the Priest --- Burn the Priest --- 1999
Scary album cover eh? Talk about doing exactly what it says on the tin! Not sure why the nuns are frying up Father Wotsit though: maybe he touched them up? Or more likely, didn't. Maybe they're possessed by the Devil, or worse, PMS. Maybe he opined that their arses looked too big in those cassocks. Whatever, they're pissed obviously and it looks like they're certainly giving him their warmest regards.
So, enough nervous humour to delay the actual listening of the album, let's hit play and see just how bad this is. It's bad. Right away there's those hammering guitars, apocalyptic drums and someone screeching as if his balls have been caught in a revolving door and nobody has noticed as he goes around and around, screaming in pain. Sure let's see if they have any interesting lyrics. Hah! Thought they were referring to our guys there when they write “Bitterness fuels the mods”, but it's mode, not mods. Meh. Not much in the lyric really. Hold on a moment! Is that ... is that ...
melody I hear? Jesus! It's slowing down and the guy is actually making an attempt to sing! Well, a proto-attempt, doomed to failure, but still. It's sped up now but just for a minute or so I could actually hear the guitars playing and not just firing cannons of riffs at me. Very interesting. Hmm.
“With just a flick of the opal banded finger I will throw you into a concentric mental decline”? Come over here and say that. Er, I mean...
Yeah, there's some decent riffing here. I have no idea where we are, think it's the third track, but it's not as brutal as the legendary Cryptopsy that nearly blew me to shards last year.
Oh come on! Now they're slowing down with a doomy bass and it's crunching along. This is not half bad, for grindcore that is. Better than what I heard of Swarmmm anyway (sorry Jansz) and a nice sort of hybrid of grindcore, death and doom metal. Quite a long song too, at over five minutes. These things normally blast by at about a minute, two being seen as an epic. Oh I have to check out the lyric to “Goatfish”! Aw, how disappointing. It's not about a half-goat, half-fish creature at all, and they only mention the name as the last word. Boo. I want goatfish! Vote goatfish! You know, I can actually make out this guy's voice at times. Vote goatfish! “Salvation” has the most stripped-down percussion I've ever heard, now we're back to growling. He needs a void in his life, it would seem, but she's taken all his nothing. Greedy cow. Vote goatfish!
Well, two albums in and I'm quite enjoying myself. Guess I'm becoming a little inured to music I would never have suffered through before. Not that I like this, but it doesn't disturb or scare me the way it would have last year. Another long one in “Autumn lies” (no I will not take it for “Trollheart's Theme Park”!) with again a slow, doomy guitar line leading in the intro. Got to give them credit for the line
“As the leaves fall yellowing like faded paper”. Quite poetic. No doubt the falling leaves will be compared to his heart, soul or penis. No, something to do with crucifixion apparently. Vote goatfish! Percussion really gets going here and it trundles along nicely. Nearly halfway through now; not fun but not torture either.
I guess Batty had hoped the title of the next track would refer to me, but “Suffering bastard” doesn't bother me; it just comes and goes, and it's only just over two minutes long. It also has, rather amazingly, a very Iron Maiden riff in it. Even more astoundingly, it's the first time I hear the singer speak, and you can make out what he says. It's only for a moment, but still. “Buckeye” is something of a mess though: the vocalist alternates between screaming and growling, unless there are two of them? No, just the very unassumingly-named Randy Blythe, so I guess I have to give him some credit for range if nothing else. Music has slowed a little now too. Vote goatfish! The opening lines of “Lame” could really apply to most of these lyrics:
”Whine, whine, whine!” Guess there isn't a grindcore band that you could characterise as happy with their lot. Like a bunch of angsty teenagers, though there are some good lines in “Preaching to the converted”:
”A Trojan Horse full of Zyklon”,
”Judas's coffers overflow” and they even nod to The Jam with the opening line
”The public wants what the public gets” however they fail to continue on with what would surely be an appropriate second line:
”But I want nothing this society's got”. Vote goatfish!
Another slower, almost boogey rhythm to this, much slower than the bulk of their material, though of course it does soon kick up, while “Departure hymn” is really more thrash than grindcore, actually not bad at all. The album ends then on “Duane”, which I had feared was fifteen minutes long, but Batty tells me (surprisingly kindly for him; think he would have left me to stew) that the length of the track is due to a “hidden” one at the end: in reality, it's the standard two minute fare. With a surprisingly reflective guitar to start, though that of course gets kicked aside fairly quickly and we're off, hurtling towards the end. The hidden track should probably have remained hidden!
Oh, I see now that this band is the same Lamb of God whose
As the Palaces Burn I reviewed previously; they changed their name. Kind of makes more sense now. Meh, I sort of hated it but it wasn't quite what I'd call torture. Halfway there and again I ask
Oh, and vote goatfish!