Let's stay in the USA for now as we check out one more before we get to my own favourite. I'm not even sure these guys should qualify as metal, never mind Pirate Metal, as they're entirely acoustic. But we'll see. They go by the interesting name of
Like Swashbuckle, they have only three albums so we'll listen to them all, but unlike their thrash metal countrymen, they have only been in existence since 2008, describing their music as “Heavy Mahogany”. Interesting to say the least. They formed an eight-piece, which is also interesting, but are now down to a sextet, consisting of:-
Wolfbeard O'Grady (Vocals, Accordion, Whistles)
Riven Rahl (Vocals, Toy Piano)
Smithy Crow (Vocals, Bass, Orchestral strings)
Stark Cordwain (Vocals, Irish Bouzouki, Whistles)
Deckard Cordwain (Vocals, Ukulele, Mandolin)
Legendary Pirate King Eric “The” Brown (Drums)
Their first album, then, was this one
Reign the Helm --- The Dread Crew of Oddwood --- 2009
Great traditional start with mandolin and whistles then the vocals (and I do mean vocals; almost everyone sings or joins in) are thankfully clear and easy to understand, because unlike the other bands featured here, I have no lyric sheets for these albums. The tempo increases a little now on guitar and I guess bouzouki (those ethnic instruments always give me trouble identifying them, and I must admit I have never heard of an Irish bouzouki!) The opening track is the signature tune for the band, called “The Dread Crew of Oddwood”, and raising a glass to comrades lost, with some fine group
acapella singing. “The Ocarina of Time medley” features mandolin, some really nice guitar and accordion in an uptempo instrumental, which I have to guess from the title is a theme from the game of the same name, not that I would know. It's nice though. Some lovely pipes and whistles there, and you can get a kind of carnival feel from it, with sort of Spanish overtones. If you've played the game and I'm right that it's from that, then you already know what I mean.
“Cities burning” is the first time it even comes close to metalling up, with a big, rocking, um, accordion melody that blasts along as the guys sing about
“Rape the women, kill the men/ Let's sack this fucking town!” Now
that's metal! The main vocalist, whom I assume to be Wolfbeard, even puts on a growly death metal style vocal. Okay, now we're cooking! “Land ho!” is bloody hilarious. Listen to this:
”We're in Argentina/Got stuck in the marina/ The women hopped aboard our boat/ And showed us their vaginas!” And it's ALL
acapella. Talk about a pirate chorus.
”We reached the port of Panama/ Nothing rhymes with Panama!” The final “Land ho!” goes on for over forty seconds! “Oddwood hornpipe” is, well, a hornpipe, while “Rum in the flask” is a shameless, hilarious rip-off off “Whiskey in the jar”! You have to hear the way they rearranged the lyric. Here's an example:
”As we were sailing over/ The shining salty ocean/ We saw upon the waters/ A Spanish treasure galleon/ We dropped the heavy canvas/ AS we readied up the guns fast/ We cruised right up beside her/ And we blew right through her mainmast!” Oh this is f
ucking hilarious to the max! I love this, just absolutely love it!
Hard to top that, probably impossible, but “Bottoms up” is another happy pirate drinking song, with great accordion and rollicking drums, but luckily I found lyrics for this as the guy singing (not the usual one) puts a sort of Spanish slant on his vocal and it's very hard to make out what the words are. There's an almost Russian folk melody feel to this: you kind of expect them all to start doing the sabre dance and go “Hey! Hey! Hey!” (They don't.) And all too soon it's over as we listen to “Eddie Kelly's medley”, with perhaps the best lyric in a song ever:
”We're a pirate crew and we'll murder you/ If you don't like this song, then fuck you too!” Oh my sides! I haven't laughed so much since, oh, I don't know when. Fu
cking classic!
TRACKLISTING AND RATINGS
1. The dread crew of Oddwood
2. Ocarina of time medley
4. Cities burning
5. Land ho
6. Oddwood hornpipe
7. Rum in the flask
8. Bottoms up
9. Eddie Kelly medley
Okay, okay, so there's no way this could be called metal of any stripe, but then we've featured, and will feature, weirder things this Metal Month, so I'm happy to keep going. They may not use electric guitars, growl the vocals or have long hair, but these guys know how to throw one hell of a pirate party, and they're ok in my book. I'm looking forward to the rest of their material, which is coming up ....
now!
Rocktopus --- The Dread Crew of Oddwood --- 2010
A mere year later they were at it again, this time raping plundering and pillaging by royal assent, as they tell us in the opening song, “The Queen's decree”, in which they ponder on the irony of having been made licenced privateers, when they themselves had only recently attacked British settlements and slain English citizens. There's a faster, almost quasi-metal rhythm to this first track, with a carnival undertone, the vocal spoken rather than sung. There's a mad mandolin (?) solo and the sounds of battle. By contrast, “Leviathan” is a slow, moody lament on accordion ... no, it's changed now, into a jaunty folk ditty, tripping along with again mostly a spoken vocal, though the chorus is sung.
“Earth's end” marks the first time The Dread Crew tack away from pirate lyrics, as they recall Scott's expedition to the Antartic. It's a nice bouncy song, but I feel it's a little out of place, also there's none of the trademark humour these guys have displayed on their other album so it just doesn't do a lot for me. Kind of touching on “The Rime of the Ancient Mariner” with “Where blue meets black”, starts off with a nice little hornpipe or something, then lurches along with pleasing craziness and into a repeat of “Land ho” which for some reason they now call “Land llo”, and continues their adventures shagging around the world. Things may be getting back on track.
Another hornpipe to take us into “Kraken skulls” (fu
cking great!) and inspired lines like
”Big squid! Oh shit! Big squid! Kill it!” and
”It tore twenty men into thirty and ten/ And did the most godawful things unto them!” “Skeletons” is a great little toe-tapper with a fantastic chorus and some wonderful accordion and bouzouki, then they take on the likes of Manowar in “Hear our cry”, as they ditch the pirate ship and eyepatches (and presumably the shoulder-mounted parrots too) and become warriors riding across the plain. Again, this song has no real humour so it doesn't chime with me, though there is a really great turn by Wolfbeard on the whistles. Meh.
At least “The legend of Mord and Tyver” gets the guys back on the high seas, and it bops along really well, but that doesn't last as now we're hearing about “The Frenchman's daughter”, about whom I care nothing. Get back to sea, ye scurvy dogs! Which finally they do, as in “Walk the plank” they come face-to-face with another pirate crew who try to rob them. Bad mistake! Whatever happened to honour among thieves? The Brotherhood of the Sea? All robbers together? Well, these upstarts are made pay for their mistake as they're sent to the bottom of the sea, throats agape. And finally, not content with robbing “Whisky in the jar”, they're off plundering Irish traditional music again, this time reworking “The divil is dead” for “Ketch medley”. Fantastic!
TRACKLISTING AND RATINGS
1. The Queen's decree
2. Leviathan
3. Earth's end
4. Where blue meets black
5. Land llo
6. Traveller's hornpipe
7. Kraken skulls
8. Skeletons
9. Hear our cry
10. The legend of Mord and Tyver
11. The Frenchman's daughter
12. Walk the plank
13. Ketch medley
Another fine album from The Dread Crew, though I will say there's not quite as much humour in this one as in the debut EP. Still, the likes of “Walk the plank”, “Kraken skulls” and “The Queen's decree” are great, and another “Land ho” is always welcome, to say nothing of the closer. Hopefully though the guys aren't getting more into the serious side of their music, for while they can play like demons and I defy anyone this side of The Chieftains to stand against them toe-to-toe on any stage, the great strength, so far as I can see, of The Dread Crew of Oddwood is in their rapier-like humour and their total irreverence for the material, and for the conventions of musical lyrics. In a world where, even in heavy metal, you often have to be careful what you say, they're like a breath of fresh sea air blowing in over the coast. Let's hope they can keep this up as we check out their last album.
Heavy Mahogany --- The Dread Crew of Oddwood --- 2012
Well it's a round of “Ahoy!”s to get us away, as “Meat bread and wine” is a great campfire/tavern song with a nice fast rhythm to it, driven mostly on guitar and accordion with a great shouted chorus delivered by all the guys. The tempo stays high for “When I sail'd” as the guys relate the tale of the notorious Captain Kidd, with a real sea shanty feel to it and more group vocals, the main vocal almost in a death metal style (not really, but it's more growly than the first) then “Flotsam epitaph” is good too, but so far I don't see much in the way of the humour I've come to expect from the Crew. Oh well, early days: there are fifteen tracks after all.
“Æirship of Doom” is different, with the guys becoming pirates of the air, and declaring
”This aerial arc puts Noah's to shame!” but realising
”Oh! Oh no! This goddamn thing's so slow!” Now there's a glimpse of the black humour I'm looking for. The song has an almost AOR chorus about it, with a lot of folk mixed in,and I love the Maiden nod:
So hide your wives but prepare for your slaughter/ We'll descend on your town and kidnap your daughter!” then they go back into time and “Oddwood save America” as they help Washington win independence for the USA. Bloody hilarious, especially the mocking
“Rule Britannia! Britannia rules the waves!” they throw in. Whistles really make this song and help create the right atmosphere. And only The Dread Crew could write “A portsman's reverie”.
Kind of the first lament on the album, lacking the energy and enthusiasm of the rest, and though not quite a ballad does slow things down a little, before we explode into “Brothel royale!”, and normal service is resumed! You hqave to feel for the poor guys when they open the song with the complaint
”There are those times in Oddwood's life when rape becomes a chore/ When stifling those unwilling cries it turns into quite a bore” so they head to a brothel, but beware the hooker's knife as
”We sing to you a song quite true of the night we nearly lost/ Our rigging boots, our swords and guns, our jewels and our cocks!” All accompanied by a mad dance on the accordion and bouzouki. And though they escape there's a “sting in the tail”, as they bemoan the fact that
”We scampered to exit and although we dodged their trap/ The following day, we're sad to say we all had caught the clap!” 
Throwing in a death metal laugh then as we pile into “Berzerker” and the guys take on the role of Vikings, and it's great fun before we come to the first lively instrumental in “Oddwood building things” with whistles and accordion setting up a fine reel (or is it a jig? I'm never fully sure) then we're back at sea for some “Petty theft” with a great rocky beat and some great vocal harmonies as the guys realise they've been tricked into a trap. But of course, being the Dread Crew they
”Killed those bloody bastards/ And sacked their fucking town!” I love it when they warn
”We'll beat your bloody corpses/ With your children's severed arms!”
“Binged and purged” doesn't sound too pleasant, but it's no “Poop deck toilet wreck”, thank you very much Swashbuckle! Another bright breezy melody accompanies the story of a night of wenching, drinking and, you know, purging. If you've ever been that drunk, I guess you can sympathise with the Dread Crew as they stagger to their ship while the world spins around them. And after that, how about a “Flesh breakfast”? And there'll be a “Serpent's feast” too, before we're done, but before that, “Immortal souls” takes the Crew on a quest, knowing that
”Our bodies may rot, our bones fade away/ But our souls will live on/ Through the music we play!” Great sort of flamenco feel to this, with again wonderful vocal harmonies, but we're starting to come to the end of this crazy journey, with only two tracks to go.
The first is that aforementioned “Serpent's feast”, a triumphant, defiant song of courage and disdain for danger as the Crew march carefree into peril, nodding to their pirate metal comrades as they growl
”We'll throw up our horns!” and the mandolin passage especially, and if a non-metal song can get the blood pumping then this is sure to. WE close then on a medley, as the guys mix “The rights of Man”, “The Rime of the Ancient Mariner” and “Ships are sailing” into what they call the “Seafarer's medley”and brings the curtain down on yet another great album from the fiercest and funniest pirate crew to ever put to sea.
TRACKLISTING AND RATINGS
1. Meat bread and wine
2. When I sail'd
3. Flotsam epitaph
4. Aership of doom
5. Oddwood saves America
6. A portsman's reverie
7. Brothel royale!
8. Berzerker
9. Oddwood building things
10. Petty theft
11. Binged and purged
12. Flesh breakfast
13. Immortal souls
14. Serpent's feast
15. Seafarer's medley
And that's it so far for The Dread Crew of Oddwood, though I'm reliably informed that by now they should already be in the studio recording their fourth album. I can't wait. This one started off in a manner which made me fear they had, somewhat like Swashbuckle, lost that humour that is so intrinsic to their special brand of music, but I needn't have worried. They're just as funny as ever, and even if they throw in a little more historical context than they used to, songs like “Oddwood saves America” and “Aership of doom” offset the more serious songs enough that you can still have a rollickin' good time with these guys. I only wish I could see them live.
When I originally thought of covering them, I had doubts about whether their particular brand of “Heavy Mahogany” would fit in, but I love them now and I defy anyone else not to. If you can listen to some of these songs and not crack a smile, then please go back to your home planet, because you certainly ain't human!