Music Banter - View Single Post - give me the opinion on my lyrics pls.. thx ;)

Dimikles · 12-20-2015, 05:20 PM

Hey people. I'm new to writing the lyrics, also I'm not native speaker so pls give me your thoughts on thisone. It's not complete yet and I feel that something is missing there but not really sure how to name it. cliche? , or too straight without any allegory? ..too pathetic? :P.. also if you feel like there is some grammar or stylistic mistake pls let me know

thx..

The city of Nineveh

verse

There is a wonderer
hitting the trail
he is the hero thats vilinised
or the villan thats glorified
hoping to see her eyes
like the emerald skies
in Nineveh

and he's crooning
and whisteling

There is a occult with the
robe as a stranger
that cannot fall asleap
nor exit the dream
hoping to see ther hair
like the forsythias that were
in Nineveh

and he's crooning
and whisteling

Yeah there is a believer
wearing the hood
hiding the smiles
behind the scars
hoping to kiss her nape
nape as tender as silk
from Ninevah

chorus

and he's crooning
and whisteling
With nothing in hands
but one discreet rose

that is more than a dozens
alone and the only
the last of the roses
from garden of uniqueness

There goes the knight
unknows if left or right
oh is he si blind?
or is it just a love?
guided by featherlike lips
a velvet thats worth the kiss
Yeah Ninevah!

thanx

12-20-2015, 05:20 PM	#1 (permalink)
Dimikles Groupie Join Date: Dec 2015 Posts: 1	*rate this s!t pls ;)** Hey people. I'm new to writing the lyrics, also I'm not native speaker so pls give me your thoughts on thisone. It's not complete yet and I feel that something is missing there but not really sure how to name it. cliche? , or too straight without any allegory? ..too pathetic? :P.. also if you feel like there is some grammar or stylistic mistake pls let me know thx.. The city of Nineveh verse There is a wonderer hitting the trail he is the hero thats vilinised or the villan thats glorified hoping to see her eyes like the emerald skies in Nineveh and he's crooning and whisteling There is a occult with the robe as a stranger that cannot fall asleap nor exit the dream hoping to see ther hair like the forsythias that were in Nineveh and he's crooning and whisteling Yeah there is a believer wearing the hood hiding the smiles behind the scars hoping to kiss her nape nape as tender as silk from Ninevah chorus and he's crooning and whisteling With nothing in hands but one discreet rose that is more than a dozens alone and the only the last of the roses from garden of uniqueness There goes the knight unknows if left or right oh is he si blind? or is it just a love? guided by featherlike lips a velvet thats worth the kiss Yeah Ninevah! thanx Last edited by Dimikles; 12-21-2015 at 06:05 AM.