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innerspaceboy · 04-10-2016, 05:02 PM

This space is usually reserved for my silly musico-cultural obsessions and it’s not often that I use this blog to speak of personal matters in my life. But as today was particularly affecting, I’m going to take that liberty.

My fiance is brilliant. She is a magnificent author and incredibly adept at the art of crafting, needlework, and the like. She has a great appreciation for my less-than-accessible musical interests, and we share a love of cult/fringe cinema and literature.

You know there’s a “but” coming.

But, my friends, she’s also as mad as a matter.

Like so many writers and artists I’ve known, her inspiration is drawn from incredible traumas and misery - rejection, social isolation, self-loading, and misfortune. It’s what makes the works of these artists so spectacular. But it comes at a price.

In the last few months, my fiance has lost not just one but both of her beloved grandmothers, which resuted in a severe and debilitating depression leaving her in a state of near catatonia.

And on top of that, the women at her workplace (an educational center for autistic children) conspired to have her wrongfully terminated with false accusations of child sexual abuse.

This devastated her further, as she loved nothing more than helping her dear children.

The winter has been an incredible challenge for us, both financially as well as emotionally. She’s spent entire weeks in bed, will not look for work, and is self-victimizing and self-destructive.

And today, after I searched for jobs for her, drafted cover letters, and applied to multiple positions, she sabotaged her opportunity by smashing her smartphone.

I’ve tried to encourage her to seek professional help (and perhaps medication) but she dismisses the effectiveness of psychotherapy just as quickly as she does opportunities for employment.

I am grateful that I can afford the home I’ve purchased for us without her contribution, but the situation is clearly not healthy.

I’ve purchased a $15 flip phone to receive calls from her potential employers, and will continue assisting her in the search for a new position. My hope is that once she’s back into a daily routine that she will start to recover from her terrible depression.

My humble apologies, readers, if the dramatization above far exceeds my allowance of your attention or interest. But it has done me well to sound off. As you know my social encounters are few and releasing my stress here in this virtual but theraputic environment certainly has its value.

I thank you.