Urban Hat€monger ?

There can only be one choice for me.....

[Withnail and I emerge unsteadily from the pub.]
Withnail: Where is he. Utterly aresholed.
I: We're early. [I looks accross to some tearooms]
I: We want to get in there don't we. Eat some cake. Soak up the booze.
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[They enter the Penryth tea-rooms. I sits down at a table and
starts buttering the bread rolls on the table. Withnail, still
standing, points to the table and addresses an elderly waitress,
Miss Blennerhassit.]
Withnail: Alright here?
Miss B: No, we're closing in a minute.
Withnail: We're leaving in a minute. Alright here?
Miss B: What do you want?
[He sits down at the table and makes a rather perfunctory examination of the menu.]
Withnail:We'll have tea and cake.
[An elderly man comes across to their table. He is the proprietor]
P: Did you hear her? She said she'd closed. What do you want in here?
Withnail: Cake and tea. what's it got to do with you?
P: I happen to be the proprietor. Now, will you leave?
Withnail: Ah good, I'm glad you're the proprietor. I was going to have to have a word with you anyway. We're doing a film up here, location see. We might want to do a film in here.
P: You're drunk.
I: Just bring out the cake.
Withnail: Cake and fine wine.
Miss B: If you don't leave we'll call the police.
Withnail: Balls. We want the finest wines availible to humanity. We want them here and we want them now.
P: The police, Miss Blennerhassit.
[ I breaks off from stuffing breadrolls but hasn'tquite emptied his mouth at the start]
I: Don't do that Miss Blenerhassit. I'm warning you Miss Blennerhassit, if you do - you're fired. We are multi-millionaries. we'll buy this place and fire you immediately.
Withnail: Yeah, that's right, we'll buy this place and install a f*cking juke-box and liven all you stiffs up a bit.
P: The police Miss Blenerhassit. Just tell them there are a couple of drunks in the Penryth tea rooms and we'd like them removed.
I: We are not drunks, we are multi-millionaires.
P: Come on Mabs, we'll keep them here until they arrive
[She starts to dial]
Withnail:You won't keep us anywhere.
Miss B: Police please
Withnail: We'll buy this place and have it knocked down.
I: It's alright, 's alright. Our car has arrived.
[He pulls back a curtain to reveal that indeed their car has arrived, in the form of Uncle Monty in the Rolls. They get up and I staggers out the door]
Withnail: We're coming back in here.
[He tries to lean on a convenient post but misses and staggers a bit. He points meaningfully at the various customers as he leaves, shutting his coat in the door.]

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