If your band has two or more guitarists who only play in unison, you might be in a nu metal band.
If the only people in the audience at your gigs is your mom and your meth dealer, you might be in a nu metal band.
If you have a rapper, you might be in a nu metal band.
If your rapper doesn't even like rap, you're definitely in a nu metal band.
If your performances have to be over before curfew, you might be in a nu metal band.
If you think cargo shorts, backwards baseball caps, unironic "who farted?" shirts, and/or white people with dreadlocks make for a good look, you might be in a nu metal band.
If you get a lot of bookings in places like Bakersfield or Florida, you might be in a nu metal band.
If you consistently have members leaving your band because they found Jesus to lead them out of the miserable lives that they lead, you might be in a nu metal band.
If your eleven year old niece likes to sing along to your heaviest song, you might be in a nu metal band.
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Studies show that when a given norm is changed in the face of the unchanging, the remaining contradictions will parallel the truth.
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