Quote:
Originally Posted by Chula Vista
^^^^^^
With all due respect Xurtio, I hate this sort of psycho-babble that inevitably shows up in every thread on this subject. Show me a jerk of an adult and I'll see a child who's parents thought it was OK if little Billy had a screaming fit in the store if mommy wouldn't buy him the toy he wanted. Or was allowed to throw a fit at home because he's only expressing himself. Or would hit or bite other kids in kindergarten and the parents would calmly tell him that he did a bad thing.
Kids will push the limits to see just how far they can get away with stuff with their parents. IMO and experience a line has to be drawn that if stepped over results in a few stinging swats on the behind. I'm talking about extreme bad stuff.
If either of my kids started freaking out in a store, restaurant, etc. they'd be taken by the arm firmly enough to hurt a little to get their attention, stared straight in the eye, and be told to STOP IT NOW. It did not take very long at all for them to figure out that they should not act like that in public.
Anyone willing to label that as cruelty?
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"Psychobabble" what a way to be dismissive. None of what I said implies you should let kids get away with stuff. That post was a bit defensive. Of course I have had to take my children by the arm and demand them to stop or restrain them if they don't. Of course I have been angry at them. But this isn't discipline, this is contingency. And my anger is a natural consequence. Discipline has a lot more leading by example and daily practice involved. It's more of a preventative measure than damage control.
I'm a big fan of negative reinforcement. I take away privileges from my children when they misbehave and make them earn them back. I try not to engage them in yelling or anger matches during melt down (unless I have to restrain them for safety or remove them to be socially polite). Let them have a melt down, let them work though it, they're still not getting what they want. By trying to fight their meltdowns you just cause additional stress to both of yas and give them some small amount of control over your emotional responses.