Tears in the Typing Pool
In the past two years, my time spent on writing and expressing my thoughts about music has almost completely diminished. Not just through my life being busier with work, but also from staring at a blank piece of paper or a blank screen, not knowing how to express how I feel about a particular piece of music. Frustration got the better of me.
Now I’m just putting pen to paper and writing. What I’m writing has no aim or function. This is just writing for the sake of writing. I often wonder if I have better things to do. I seem to indulge in film, TV and books a lot more these days, taking away some time that I would normally spend listening to music. I can get the same emotional responses from films as I can from music. Or perhaps I should get out more, even though most of my friends have moved away or moved on. Typical of being an adult I guess.
So quite often I am left to amuse myself in the evenings when I get home from work, or during the weekends, or during holidays. Filling in my time with music, film, reading, and exercise. There is always family of course, they are always close by. But music offers me an escape. People have probably said the same thing countless times before. But it really does. Immersion in music. The isolationist escapism of black metal. The penetrating melodies of indie pop. The out of body euphoria of psytrance. The sombre introspection of sad music.
I should spend my free time being more creative, but quite often I find it difficult to focus my creativity. My outlets are limited yet unfocused. Creative writing only comes to me in short bursts like this. Tech stuff like app development, web development and being creative with coding seems less appealing these days. Maybe coding professionally has quenched my creativity in that area. I don’t want to spend my free time looking at more code after coming home from a frustrating day of looking at code.
Perhaps writing and expressing my thoughts more will do me some good. My outlets for expressing myself have diminished in recent years. Mainly from my own choice of wanting to distance myself from certain people and the drama that comes with them. I aim to reverse this. This will probably fall on deaf ears though, with no reward other than being able to express myself again.