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Old 02-27-2017, 12:00 PM   #123 (permalink)
Trollheart
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mondo Bungle View Post
It's very good, even if I don't get the connection between the three different scenes. One small point of criticism: you keep veering in your tenses. First it's "I see the creature" then it's "I walked out of the room" and then "I cannot move". Not sure if that's intentional or not (I do it myself quite often, just forgetting) but it certainly is a little disorientating.

Does it scare me? Well, I find it hard for anything I read to scare me, but it does intrigue me. If/when you write more, maybe you'll PM or post a link. I'd like to know how it turns out. You certainly have a talent for description.
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