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Old 03-12-2017, 01:44 PM   #1 (permalink)
Pat Monahan's Hairy Chest
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Location: Pat Monahan's upper body.
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Default Why Did I Write This? (Awful Parody Rap)

I’ve got more bitches than a puppy litter
Writing fly songs while I’m on the ****ter
Giving all these other rappers crazy jitters
They scared imma fry them into apple fritters

Yeah, boy, Jay-Z’s dumb as bricks and Kanye’s dumber
They write so much **** they gonna need a plumber
If they’s a half-assed Nerf fight, I’m the turret gunner
They scared imma get their bitches’ phone numbers

I’ve got more to say than Martin ****ing Luther
Imma nail it to the doors of all these hip-hop losers
If they’s the mother****ing liars, I’m the truther
If they’s the mother****ing hammer, I’m its user

My fans think I’m fly like Cronenberg
I’ve got em all around me like it’s August 3rd
My haters come off sweet like a pack of Nerds
Write those comments like Camus, ‘cause their hate’s Absurd

These rappers’ lyrics crash like Malaysian Air
They couldn’t even rap Van Gogh’s severed ear
Imma make em redder than Ed Sheeran’s hair
Scatter em like beetles, here, there, and everywhere

My verses flow together like the Nile River
My words purify like they’re a healthy liver
You think this is great? It’s just a ****ing sliver
Like 1912, the iceberg’s only getting bigger

My haters stick around the way a fart lingers
Just one of many freckles on a sunburned ginger
They wouldn’t know the first thing about a zinger
If fans are dogs, their beats are the Butterfingers

My lyrics catching fire like Suzanne Collins
I slip in my allusions like I’m Henry Rollins
These rappers treat free-styling like it’s bar brawling
Nah, boy, they act so petty cause they free-falling
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