Music Banter - View Single Post

innerspaceboy · 03-13-2017, 03:50 PM

INTRODUCTION: As promised, I'm officially launching this journal to showcase the fanatbulous misadventures of an academic Victorian sir trapped in a thankless entry-level job with insipid dolts who somehow manage to walk erect despite their baffling ignorance. And every word of it is true. Stay tuned at ~5:30 every Monday for more sh*t I have to put up with.

Entry 1: Partly Dave

I’d like to introduce a business peer of mine - a gent who we shall call, “Dave”, in part because it is a common and uninspiring name, much like the fellow himself, and also because that actually is his name.

Dave is thick and malformed, much like his cerebral processes. He wears a fixed expression, one of simultaneous confusion and what appears to be a difficulty in respiration due to his rubbery, brick-like stature.

Dave is a peculiar man, who drinks eggs and energy shakes for every lunchtime meal, (which apparently have done no good to improve his physical form). Dave fancies himself a high-ranking member of the Polish mafia, (or a gangsta, or whatever he decides to call himself in a particular week).

But it is his staggering cognitive ineptitude which inspires me to share his musings with you. He routinely enjoys making Pollock, Jew, retard, and A-rab jokes. Dave also delights in making fart noises whenever a female bends over in his vicinity, (likely one of the contributing factors to his rise to the position of management). Permit me to relate just one of many inspiring conversations which transpired between myself and this magnificent specimen of manhood.

Dave: “Yo, [ISB]?”

ISB: “Yes, Dave?”

Dave: “If you could have any superpower in the world, what would it be?”

ISB: “Well, Dave, I suppose I would like the ability to inspire critical and rational thinking among all ladies and gentlemen and to empower them with reason, the capacity for argumentation, and hopefully inspire great progress within our species, artistically, culturally, scientifically, and philosophically.”

Dave: “Yeah? I’d wanna see chicks naked.”

ISB: “(sigh….) You’re special, Dave.”

Dave: “I know.”