Is it considered gauche to answer your own questions? Oh well:
What is the worst (objectively--in terms of corniness or being just plain terrible) song that you genuinely love?
I really, deeply love maudlin old jazz and broadway standards (and ANYTHING Barbara Cook), as well as cheesy artists like Al Martino.. But those aren't terrible, really. So, in terms of sheer corniness:
(From my favorite terrible movie, Rigoletto.)
And, this is incredibly embarrassing, but I like ONE Katy Perry song-- let me explain! When I first heard it (
'I'm Still Breathing') I thought it was about cheerfully surrendering to death while drafting a passive-aggressive suicide note. I heard the lyric "I sleep with candles burning / I leave the doors unlocked" and thought, "Wow, SO relatable!" I was very young and depressed, so.)
What odd things do you do when alone in your home or apartment?
I am tragically rarely ever left alone these days, but when I am, I might make strange kitchen concoctions in my underwear while singing Blossom Dearie or Judy Garland songs, or monologue to myself as though I'm in a film noir, or lay face down on the floor and groan while listening to Bauhaus-- the usual.
Have you ever had any forum members here pop up in your dreams?
Frownland, Batlord, and one other.
If you were a deity, how would you prefer to be summoned/what offerings would you require?
I'd be a cthonic deity, most likely; I would accept the following offerings: dragon's blood incense, plum wine, honey, sea water, blood (obviously), antique trinkets, cigars, halloween candy, live cats (not to kill!!) and decent-quality liquor. I wouldn't require a full-on Gnostic ritual-type summoning but some degree of theatricality would be required!
What was your very first internet username?
It was something like SanguineScythe. Or CrimsonScythe. Something involving scythes.
If you died and were actually able to lurk around as a ghost, how would you want your funeral/wake to go?
As for my body-- throw it in the trash for all I care. By then I'd be quite sick of it, and would not want to look at it during a funeral. Wait, no! I want to be buried, with something cryptic, brief and passive-aggressive on my tombstone. And night-blooming flowers planted on my grave.
For the funeral: Kermit the frog (I have
always wanted there to be muppets involved; I am serious about this) would give the eulogy, followed by a rendition of
Big Star's 'Blue Moon'. Or maybe I'd just scrap all of that, and have a regular, boring funeral that concludes with a sudden, startling arrival of a drag queen (lowered from the ceiling, cirque du soleil style) performing "Send in the Clowns", complete with glitter and confetti.
For my wake, I'd like everyone (all four people!!) to become blackout drunk on my grave while playing 50s halloween music.