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Old 05-18-2017, 06:37 PM   #10 (permalink)
Oriphiel
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Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: The States
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Chapter retpahC
AKA
The Chapter Where Frownland And Pedestrian Save The World, And Then Frownland Fucks A Sexbot



After a long afternoon of drinking pussy ass microbrews with Janszoon, Frownland returned to his home, and began to prepare his movie for the night. An art house flick in one hand, and a bottle of lotion in the other, a smile of contentment stretched across his face, however the smile faded almost as soon as it had arrived. He sensed someone standing behind him. Lightly sniffing the air, the smile returned to Frownland's face, as he said "Why don't you come out of hiding... Trollheart."

Stepping out of the shadows, Trollheart and another mysterious figure approached Frownland, who turned to face them. "I see you brought your interpreter," said Frownland, nodding to the figure beside Trollheart. Stepping into the moonlight, he revealed himself to be none other than Batlord. Suddenly, Trollheart began to write furiously on a large notepad. The Batlord glanced at his scribblings, before facing Frownland and saying "It's good to see you, old sport." Frownland eyed Trollheart's notepad, saying "I see your... 'condition'... hasn't improved." Trollheart simply looked to the side, as Batlord looked down in sorrow and said "Every day, he gets a little worse. For ten years now, he's been unable to speak in any language other than 'wall-of-text'. As you know, at first people could kind of understand him, but lately it's gotten so bad that even I have trouble condensing his messages."

"Well," replied Frownland, "at least he has you, his loyal manservant, to look after him." Batlord laughed, replying "I mean, as long as he pays me, then yeah, sure, I'm loyal or whatever." Trollheart interrupted them by clearing his throat, before writing a huge block of text on his notepad. The Batlord looked up at Frownland, and said "Forgive me for skipping the formalities, but I must cut to the chase. My boy, I am here on a mission. A mission to save the world." Frownland laughed, saying "And by that, I'm sure you mean that you need me to save the world. Again." Trollheart pounded a fist on a table, before angrily returning to his writing. "Damn it," interpreted Batlord, "this is no joke! I need you. Your country needs you! You're the best man we've got!"

Frownland shook his head, saying "I left all that behind. I'm done working for the Admin. You know that. Years of breaking my back for him, and what do I have to show for it? No pay. No benefits. Just a blue username." "Bullshit! Deep down, you're still a mod. You still have a license to ban. And I know that in your heart, you still crave the action, and the adventure." Twirling his moustache, Frownland replied "So what if I do? I can find adventure on my own. I don't need you to send me on another suicide mission, under-equipped and alone against an army of spammers." Trollheart smiled. "Ah, but this time, you won't be alone."

On cue, Pedestrian stepped into the room. "Hey fucknuts," she said, nodding to Frownland. "You," replied Frownland, as he frowned. Land. Looking at Trollheart, he stammered "I thought she was dead. After the war against Baihe and Lucky Girl's asian murder cult, she just disappeared. It was reported that she fell in battle..." Pedestrian smiled, and replied "Nah, I didn't die. I just got real busy with college. I can see how you might mistake the two, though. Oh, and by the way, it's Paedantic Basterd now." "I'm not calling you that," replied Frownland.

"You two will work together to defeat a terrible threat that looms over this fair land of ours. I'm sure you're both familiar with the name... Hagrid." Frownland and Pedestrian shot each other dire glances. "Yes," continued Batlord/Trollheart, "I see that you both remember that hopped up little pervert. Well, he's back. And somehow, he's gotten his hands on a robot making machine. Our top scientists, Xurtio and Lisnaholic, estimate that in only three days, he'll have an army large enough to topple the Admin. You two are the only ones who can stop him. What do you say?" After sighing and looking down in thought for a moment, Frownland looked up and said "I say we kick some ass." "Bitchin'" replied Pedestrian, as she high-fived the shit out of Frownland.

Parachuting down from a stealth plane, the two mods landed on Hagrid's private island, which he had unsurprisingly named "Fucktopia". In a matter of moments, they were waylaid by Hagrid's robot army, who had anticipated their arrival. Using sick jiujitsu moves, Pedestrian tore the poor robots to pieces, while Frownland used his trusty rusty sax to stun his enemies with a piercing shriek. In very little time, they had fought their way into Hagrid's inner sanctum, destroying every robotic soldier along the way.

"Ah, welcome," said Hagrid, standing high above the agents on a catwalk. "Hagrid," muttered Frownland angrily. Hagrid laughed, and replied "Glad you remember me, cockface. Anyway, I hate to break it to you two shitweasels, but you've fallen right into my trap. You're about to get fucked harder than the kidnapped dogs I keep in my basement." Suddenly, a million lasers appeared along the walls of the room, and began to close in on the two agents, threatening to cut them to pieces.

"Oh, fuck this," said Pedestrian, rolling her eyes. As Hagrid continued on with his weird perverted diatribe, Pedestrian grabbed a stone off of the floor, and tossed it at his face. It hit the target true, and Hagrid shouted "Aw, what the shitcock...." as he stumbled forward, nursing his face. Unfortunately for him, he stepped right into the catwalk's railing and fell forward across it, landing down on the ground in front of the two agents. As the agents looked down at him, Pedestrian said "Shut the fuck up with your weird nasty bullshit. Right now, it's time for you to make a choice. I'm sure there's a failsafe around here somewhere. Are you gonna disable the lasers, or are we all going to get cut to shreds?"

Muttering under his breath, Hagrid pulled a large remote out of his pants, which the two agents had previously just assumed was a raging boner. Pressing a button, he deactivated the lasers. Tossing the remote away, he said "So what now? Is it back to the MB afterlife with me, after all I had to do to get back here?" "That's for the admin to decide," replied Pedestrian. Hagrid began to sob, saying "Please! No! I'll do anything! I'll be your slave! I'll make you a giant super-weapon! Hell, I'll make you a sexbot! Just please, let me go!" Pedestrian pulled a pair of handcuffs out of her coat pocket and shackled Hagrid, saying "No deal, fuckboy." As she began to lead him away, Frownland suddenly stepped in front of her, putting a hand on Hagrid's shoulder. "Let me handle this, Pedestrian. You've done enough for today. Plus, you're wounded. Go get patched up, and I'll take out the garbage." Looking down, Pedestrian saw that she was indeed wounded and bleeding. Laughing, she said "It's just a scratch. I'll be fine. But if you really wanna be the one to escort this stinky loser back to HQ, then hey, be my fuckin' guest. I'm off to go find a cold one."

With that, she left. Smiling, Frownland suddenly pushed Hagrid to the ground. Hagrid started to cry again, muttering prayers to the deity of perversion, and closed his eyes as he prepared for Frownland to execute him. However, he soon heard the click of his handcuffs being unlocked, and they fell off of his wrists. Opening his eyes, he looked up at Frownland with a curious expression. Frownland smiled, and said "So what were you saying about a sexbot?" Hagrid smiled back, stammering "Yes... Yes! I could build you your own private sex machine! And not only that, but I could also make it look like anyone you want!" "Anyone?" asked Frownland. "Yes," answered Hagrid, "anyone! Whoever you want to fuck more than anyone else in the world! And all you have to do is... let me go!" Frownland thought for a moment, before saying "Alright. You've got a deal."

Two hours later, after laboring tirelessly in his workshop, Hagrid had completed his task. Taking off his welding mask, he smiled at Frownland, saying "Not bad, hm? I built it just like you told me to." "That you did," replied Frownland, as the robot powered on. After making out with the sexbot, Frownland turned to face Hagrid, raising up a gun to his head. "You've done a fine job Hagrid, but it's time for you to pay for your crimes." Hagrid, shocked and frightened, backed away, saying "No! But... but you promised! We had a deal! You said... you said you would let me go!" Frownland smiled, replying "And I will. I'll let you go... to MB hell." He then executed Hagrid, and began to make passionate love to his sex bot, admiring it's beauty. Just as Hagrid had promised, it did indeed look like the person Frownland wanted to fuck the most. Pleasuring his sexbot, he looked deep into it's eyes, eyes that matched his own, for the sexbot was, in fact, an exact replica of himself.
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Last edited by Oriphiel; 05-18-2017 at 06:43 PM.
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