Music Banter - View Single Post

innerspaceboy · 05-29-2017, 08:56 AM

Today my beloved CEO had yet another brilliant idea. He’d originally inherited his father’s printing company, but ever the intrepid entrepreneur, he decided that he was also an app developer and publisher, and later a social media marketing agency. But on this day he had an entirely new and equally inept business ploy - he now fancied himself a real world marketing firm. His staff would consist of one man - our favorite sexagenarian dolt who, this morning, forgot his bridge.

“You know that app company cell phone I gave you?” he asked confidently.

“You mean the one which hasn’t received a single call in three years? Why yes, yes I do,” I replied.

“I’ve got a great idea - since we’re not using it, let’s give it to [Dolt] to use for his marketing contacts!”

“Well,” I challenged him, “there is just one small problem with that. He doesn’t know how to use a cell phone, let alone the Google Voice number forwarding and messaging features I’ve set up for this device.”

“Well you can teach him!” he said excitedly.

And so, for the next two hours, I had to spoon feed our elderly friend the basics of cell phone use. At first, he dismissed my offer. “I have an Android phone already,” the Dolt explained proudly and held up his iPhone.

The next task was to transfer the Google Voice profile to the Dolt’s associated Google account. This proved difficult, as he had no idea what his Google login was. “I set this account up for you just over a month ago. Where did you write down your password?” I asked, (fully aware of his inevitable reply.) “I didn’t bother. I didn’t think I’d need it,” declared the Dolt.

But the true test of my humanity came when it was time for Dolt to record his voicemail greeting. He accomplished the task, after only thirty minutes of trial and error. Unable to locate the pound sign to accept his recorded greeting, he continued to terminate the call over and over and over again. His finished greeting was over a minute long - an insufferably slow instruction manual as to how to leave a message, with his assurance that he would return the call if he ever figured out how to check his phone. But in the end, after only two hours of struggle, the task was complete, and I bestowed upon him a device which he still has no idea how to use. Satisfied with his accomplishments, Dolt returned to his desk and resumed his favorite task - doodling marketing ideas with watermarked commercial thumbnail graphics in Powerpoint. (I hate this man.)

The day ended on a positive note, however. Our CEO was having difficulty with the Chrome Remote Desktop I’d installed for him. He too had no idea what his password was.

This marketing agency is going to take the world by storm.