An unexpected supplemental conclusion to the tales of 9 to 5!
Yesterday was one of my weekly 1-hour pops into my former workplace to perform general routine maintenance of the automation systems, payroll systems, and 14 social media sites I manage as my boss’ IT consultant. But this would turn out to be a unique visit. When I sat down to start working, the CEO pulled up a chair and said, “You know… I’ve been thinking…”
What follows that phrase is without fail always an amusing statement. Previously it had been followed by phrases like, “I’ve been thinking of starting a payroll company…” or “I’m thinking about cornering the vaping market…” or “I’ve decided that we’re a digital marketing firm now…” and things of that nature. But this time, he said, “I’ve decided to delete your last remaining email account, because it will save me $5 a month.”
I reminded him, as I did the last time he removed my account without sharing it with me, that this account is our primary company calendar profile, and is tied to all of our third-party automation providers, the account with administrative privileges for Google scripts for our automation, and is the destination address for all service receipts, notifications of service outages, communications from the Apple App Store and Google Play Store for our apps, and other critical messages. But that didn’t seem to bother him.
“How will I communicate to you what tasks I’ve performed on my visits?” I inquired.
“Well, you can type up and print out a Word doc. Besides, I have another idea as well.”
Here it comes.
“I was thinking, you can probably teach all this basic maintenance stuff you do to my hourly associate, right?”
“Do you mean the 70-year-old woman who does your CSR work?” I cringed.
“Yeah. And our pre-press girl. They can handle it I’m sure.”
“But how will they identify and adjust for anomalies in the system? Rows exceeding the limit for Google Script functionality, user errors, etc?” I asked.
“Well, that’s when I’ll call you,” he explained. “I’ll take you off the payroll, and just call you when I need you to fix what they’ve broken or let break down. I’ll give you $25 whenever we need to rebuild the automation.”
What our CEO fails to grasp is that, without someone knowing the ins and outs of the system and adjusting for anomalies, operation is going to grind to a halt constantly. It would inevitably cost him far more in time to have me clean up their mess than to just have me maintain it myself.
“And they’re going to manage the 14 social media sites as well?”
“Sure!” he said. “They can do that between print jobs.”
So there I had it. I was being terminated after I train an elderly woman and a kid who does pre-press to manage the paperless automation and payroll systems I’ve built. In a way, it seemed a blessing - he was effectively burning the bridge for me so that I wouldn’t have to inevitably walk away myself when I finally decided that the charity of my weekly visits was no longer worth my while. (Seriously… I don’t need the $20.)
So I agreed. Next Tuesday, I’m dropping by for a few hours with twenty-five odd pages of process guides I’ve drafted on how to perform basic maintenance tasks and adjust for common errors in the systems. I’ll train his hourly associates as best I can and I will walk away a free man.
Technically speaking, I’ll be off the payroll and will have no obligation to repair the calamity which I expect to occur in the weeks ahead. My peers are telling me to resist any sense of nobility or empathy for my system and to just let it crumble.
Could he sue me for refusing? I’m not sure. He’s verbally terminated my employ, and I’m not signing a contract agreement thereafter.
I think I might finally be free.
Cheers, friends.
- A Classy Bastard