Frownland is the Frownman: A Frownfiction Season 1 Finale
aka
The Hourglass: Part Two
When perception bleeds into the eternal stream, all is everything and forever. I have been here for as many days as there are streaks across my flesh, and yet I have always been here. The wind screams and the water bites, the breath and teeth of a mouth from beyond the stars. And I live. Without food, and without light, yet I live. Like a lifeless edge that knows to cut, but knows not why, I live. And I count.
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"Welcome to the Burger Duke. May I take your order?" asked Batlord into the microphone, as he covertly rubbed a burger against his right armpit, before placing it in a bag.
"What's the most you ever lost on a coin toss?" replied a voice through the fuzzy speakers hooked up to the aging drive-through system.
"I don't know. Are you gonna order something or not?"
"Call it," replied the voice.
The Batlord shrugged lightly to himself. "A number two meal it is." Having said that, he defecated into a burger wrapper, and tossed it into a bag. "That'll be, like, a million bucks. Pull up to the next window, and have a nice day, sir."
"Call it," repeated the voice.
Rolling his eyes, Batlord replied "Alright, fine. If it'll make you fu
ck off faster, then heads."
Over the speaker, Batlord heard a sharp click of metal as a coin was flipped, and then a clatter as the coin ricocheted off of the dashboard. "F
uck," muttered the voice. "Hold on."
"Ayyyy, Batlord!" yelled a cheery voice. Turning around, Batlord could see that it was Mindfulness, who was now his boss, after having recently been promoted to the franchise manager. To punctuate his happiness, Mindfulness pulled a smiling severed head out of his coat pocket, and threw it at Batlord.
"Fu
ck off," replied Batlord in a cheery voice.
"Damn it," muttered the voice over the speaker. "I saw it go down here... why do I even have so many napkins on the floor?"
"Ayyy, you joke with me, yeah yeah yeah? Bats? You're a good dude, man. We'll weed smoke later, after I go for a jog, yes?" said Mindfulness.
"Uh..." replied Batlord, as Mindfulness pulled a stuffed dog that was frozen into a shrug out of his pocket.
"Yo," said Mindfulness, "before I head out, I had a question, you feel me, yeah?"
"Shoot," replied Batlord.
Mindfulness pointed at a small door to the side. "Ever since I work here, yeah, I like always wondered, what's behind this door? Yeah?"
Batlord shrugged. "Just a storage closet, I think. I heard that the old manager used to store crack in there, or something like that. Why?"
Mindfulness smiled, and pulled a key out of his pocket. "Check it, ayyyy. I got the master key! Lezz open dis bi
tch!"
Having said that, Mindfulness unlocked the door and threw it open.
"Time is a worm... stretching, eating, and out of it comes the soil of reality... the... the... light! The Light!" shrieked a voice.
Looking into the closet, Batlord and Mindfulness saw a figure huddled into the back corner, covered in small cuts.
Taking a closer look, Batlord recognized the mysterious creature. "Frownland? Is that you?"
"Gah!" replied Frownland. "The worm lies!"
"Woah, dis is some fuc
ked up s
hit, ayyyyyy!" said Mindfulness as he lit up a blunt.
Narrowing his eyes as he peered into the dark closet, Batlord saw a large opened crate of Burger Duke donuts, a horrible abomination of pre-made and non-perishable food that had been discontinued years ago, after it had been learned that the dough had been made from ground orphan bones.
"Uh, no offense Frownland, but... you're looking kinda fat. I mean, even by my standards," said Batlord.
Frownland hissed.
"God damn it," spoke another voice. Turning around, Batlord and Mindfulness came face to face with Frownland's mother. "Frownland! Every time I leave for a few minutes while I go to run an errand, you lock yourself in a storage closet and slash yourself with a razor! Every. God. Damn. Time! WHY?!"
"THE WORM!" replied Frownland, as he dashed out of the closet and ran naked into the street.
Frownland's mom put a hand to her forehead. "What did I do to deserve this? What did I do wrong? Did I not beat him enough? Did I beat him too much?" Shaking her head, she pulled a twenty out of her purse and gave it to Mindfulness. "Here. This should pay for those donuts. I am so sorry."
"Ayyy, It's no-" began to reply Mindfulnss, when the universe suddenly ended. Because the writer had to go to work. Damn work. The end.