Album title: The Last Text
Artist: Jacob Sartorius
Genre: Pop/Teen Pop/EDM
Nationality: American
Release date: January 20
Position in Discography: Debut
Fear Factor: Pretty High
Familiar with this artist? No
Familiar with the genre or subgenre? No
Check out more from this artist? No ****ing way
Check out more from this genre or subgenre? Nah-huh!
Jesus Christ! What age is this guy: twelve? This is going to be fun. With a title like that you can guess at the lyrical content pretty easily, and with songs like “Jordans”, “All My Friends” and “Sweatshirt”, well, let's just say he's unlikely to be proposing solutions to the crisis in the Middle East, unless it's “Oh kant we all jst get along dude” or a Britneyesque “He's our president so we should support him” (probably with attendant bubblegum). Ah, it's like listening to a boyband but with real boys, ie kids. Hard not to be super-critical about this. The one plus I'll give him is that he doesn't seem to use or need the dreaded Autotune.
Ah **** it: there's only eight tracks but I'm halfway through and I need to clean up all this vomit. This is like listening to some whiny kid sing about ... oh wait. That's exactly what it is. This may in fact be the only thing on Earth that could make me wish to be listening to a Justin Bieber album. Can I get a big **** THIS? Hit that button, commander!
Expectation Index: 0