I think having more than one language in a song is the stuff of fragility. It must be done, in my opinion, with surgical timing and placement... when done right it can be beautiful, but if it is done wrong it can look pretentious and most of the time ridiculous. That being said, if you are going to try it - be ready for the disapproving comments of those you ask to swallow it.
To those criticizing... people are trying new things, give them a break until they get uppity about it. Ma Cherie, I did not like the piece... I think you are too worried about sounding intellectual. What this does is, you focus on writing each stanza by tossing a bunch of tried and true "pretty words" together.... what ends up happening is, it comes off as extremely cliche, and since you focus on the individual stanzas, you lose the piece as a whole - like each stanza is about to break into another individual song. All of the stanzas in this piece are arguably tied together by the theme of night/the end of things...
it just doesn't work. Focus more on telling a story and the intelligence will follow in the way you tell it. Songs being written for the sole purpose of boosting your intellectual street cred is obvious and is like you walking around with the "A" Encyclopedia telling everyone you read the whole thing. Noone thinks you are any smarter, and you end up looking like a fool.
Just be careful how you carry yourself. Remember, you are on the internet and noone will think twice about calling you on this kind of thing.
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