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Originally Posted by rubber soul
I read part two, Troll. I like how you reversed the humans and roaches as to who were the dominant species. It was like you were replacing the roaches with today's humans and the humans with the animals humans hunt and exploit. I don't have a lot of nitpicks on this chapter.
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Technically, they're not roaches: they're an alien race called cramaxians, and they actually don't bear as much resemblance to cockroaches as Tennyson thinks they do. It's just how his mind figures it out, never having seen an alien before now. And of course it's a derogatory term for the aliens which the humans use.
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Tennyson turned, his face a mass of conflicting emotions, and stopped. He remained that way, suspended in time, escape (escaping, escaped?)
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No, again sorry that's correct. Read it again: "escape only a few steps away". That's the correct usage. It's like saying "He held the door open, consternation written on his face." I know that one is used properly.
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On the same paragraph, maybe you need to ease into the roach characters a little better. When I got to that part, I was thinking, 'now where did they come from?'
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You find out about that as you read on. I make it very clear how they got here. Incidentally, do you naturally assume we're talking about Earth here? We are, I just wondered if that thought occurred to the reader that maybe we were on a foreign planet?
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Other than that though I really couldn't find anything that seemed off. I'll read part three over the weekend probably and tell you what I think of that. Good story so far.
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Thanks. Appreciate the feedback.
