Quote:
Originally Posted by Mondo Bungle
the atmosphere reminds me of lamp lit twilight
|
I don't know what that is, but I hope it's a compliment.
As for your piece: yeah like wow. It's so incredibly descriptive, really well written and deep. Some of the imagery is amazing: that bit about the hair being reluctant to climb to his forehead, the description of the pages of music, really excellent stuff. Very intense.
One slight niggle: sometimes you're using "would" and it's confusing as otherwise your tenses seem to have been sorted out. Other than that, really great writing, man. I agree with Frown: definitely your best yet. It's actually compelling, where some of your other stuff was, to be honest, a little of a chore to get through.