Giving one last update (in case I end up in a psych ward) because I won't be able to bear talking about it after this for a while: still no major changes. Blood platelet count dropped again. I keep thinking about that scene in season 1 of broadchurch where she's staring at the sea and saying "I feel very far away from myself." I feel the same. I'm not here. Neither is he and I cannot find him. Keep having memory lapses. I don't know what to with my hands. Inexplicable gnawing guilt. Im playing movies he liked as a kid on my phone so that there's warm familiar sounds. As soon as I started playing a clip from Big Rock Candy Mountain, one of the characters said something like "I'm waiting for you" and I just lost it. No one needs to respond to this, I know there's nothing one can say, I'm just giving an update before I sign off for the week and brace myself for this next crucial 24 hour period. Pls leave cat gifs and amvs in my inbox/profile page if you feel so inclined
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