Quote:
Originally Posted by Qwertyy
throw your feces at ori
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Feeling as well as can be expected, and having completely emptied all of the bottles in the meadow, you decide to venture into the forest. After all, there is nothing left for you here, and you're beginning to feel the pangs of hunger. Ori watches you as you step past the treeline, quietly observing. The branches scratch at your forearms as you brush them aside, carefully ducking under a spider web. Though the cold air has driven the spiders themselves back into the hell from which such creatures are birthed, it seems their sticky ass-thread hammocks yet remain.
Unwilling to be left alone, Ori eventually follows after you, excitedly bumping into your ass and accidentally knocking you into the sharp fingers of a thorny bush. Swearing up a hurricane of 'fu
ck's and 'shi
t's, with a downpouring of 'cu
nt's, you untangle yourself from the clutches of the bush, pushing yourself away from it.
Before you can slay and devour Ori, your anger is abated by the sight of berries scattered across the thorny bush. Big, blue, juicy berries. You find it hard to resist the prospect of eating them, doubting that they're poisonous. After all, what kind of a pussy ass toxic plant would be colored blue? Everyone knows that that sh
it isn't really dangerous unless it's, like, red or yellow. You go for it.
You try one.
The effect is immediate.
Your stomach begins to skip rope with your intestines. Unzipping and throwing off your trousers, you find a spot behind a tree and prepare for the wrath of nature. You don't have to wait long.
Your body is wracked with pain, and you lose 5 points of both health and energy.
Making a sound that you interpret as laughter, Ori watches you with amused eyes for a moment, before growing bored of your plight and sticking his head between his legs to lick his genitals, as lion-things do. However, he soon remembers that his massive teeth prevent his tongue from leaving his mouth, and turns to wallowing in existential grief instead.
As the storm within your gut mounts, you suddenly hear a sound coming from within the forest. Just as you glance in the direction of the noise, a man-sized bird appears from out of the foliage. The large beast has stout wings that probably offer it no more than the ability to glide short distances, and a tremendously sharp looking beak.
Though it doesn't seem to have spotted you yet, it soon takes notice of Ori, and rushes towards him with terrible speed. Being occupied with delivering a mournful soliloquy comprised of lion-noises, Ori is unaware of the approaching danger. You shout his name, to no avail. The beast is almost upon him.
Your disc and sword are with your trousers, which you dropped in haste whilst rushing to a secluded spot in which you could suffer nature's lashes. Thinking quickly, you decide to use the only thing at hand to warn your friend, quickly scooping up a handful and lobbing it at him.
The fistful of goop hits Ori square in the back of the head just as the large bird leaps towards him. Reflexively springing to his feet and running from the strange sensation, Ori narrowly avoids the beak as it cuts the air where he had been sitting.
Not wasting any time, you dash to your trousers and retrieve your weapons.
What do you do now?
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???
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Title: Dirty Chucker
Health: 14
Energy: 12
Inventory: Longsword, Disc
Skills: Bullshi
t