Originally Posted by elphenor

Had the worst day of my life yesterday

was cold as **** for no reason it's goddamn April and I was trying to hawk timeshares at an outdoor mall impossible when your balls are ice cubes

then when I head home my car runs out of gas 9 miles from home and I realize I am utterly boned

my paper check is sitting on my desk at home, I lost my credit card, there is 9 cents in my checking, my phone battery is also dead

I sit there and stew in my stupidity for an hour and a cop pulls up, I tell him I'm out of fuel he goes "you gotta gas can" nah I don't, he pulls off (my tags were expired but he didn't check that's something)

I say **** it and embark on the longest walk of my life with hardly any sidewalk, having not eaten yet I collapse a couple times in the unkempt grass, I traverse narrow tightrope medians with traffic to my back, you can hear a car approach from a mile away

however worst of all is just the persistent cold getting worse and worse as it approaches midnight

when I arrive home it is Saturday night and my roommates are out and I come to the sad realization I left my garage door opener in my abandoned car

I sit in the cold for another unbearable hour embracing death

Originally Posted by OccultHawk

Toy Fox Terrier

Got in a 3 hour nap without even taking a Xanax woke up she’s sleeping right next to me her beautiful ass inches from my nose

Then to make things even sweeter I drop the most gigantic growler with like no effort. Best crap this month and it only took three quick wipes it so non-sticky

It was that greasy pizza from cicis. It’s like engineered to turn into the best s hit on the planet. Goddamn this is the good life.