Originally Posted by Lucem Ferre

4th session. It was mostly about my views on accountability. How so many people lack accountability because they aren't brave enough to admit their imperfections. The whole reason I decided to get counseling was me taking accountability for my actions. She's said she's happy to see that because I'm in a position where I could easily blame people. I said I don't like blaming because it becomes a road block and strips you of your power. When you actually take accountability it gives you your power, and while you have to admit your flaws, it gives you the power to fix it and overcome. My breakdown was caused by a combination of PTSD, manic depression and bipolar disorder. And I could easily blame that and make that an excuse for my behavior. But nothing will ever change if I do that. I've had these emotional problems my whole life so I know better. I know that even though I can't help how I feel or help having these emotions I have the power to choose how to deal with it, I choose how I react. Like, a close friend of mine was home schooled and lacks a high school education. He constantly talks about how his mom robbed him of an education. He will never admit how much power he had, and has right now, to give himself that education that he's really robbing himself of. I've been in that same situation, I hardly attended high school, I did a year before my parents told me to get a job. So I could easily make that excuse and blame them for robbing me of an education and I did that for a long ass time. But I finally took accountability and gave myself the power to not only get myself a GED but to also attend a year of college. I was in the same exact situation as him and I put myself into college while he put the accountability on his mom and accomplished nothing. And that's why I brought it up because one thing that's bothering me is the denial of accountability. That's what my dad used to do when he'd get mad at us and punish for no reason or hit us or beat the dog, it was his job, they were stressing him out, it's their fault he acted that way. It's okay to admit you're imperfect, we all are, but when you deny it and blame others for it you will become trapped behind the bars of your own cowardice, doomed to keep yourself down. My therapist says that the only problem is that while I don't hold others accountable for my actions, it seems as though I blame myself too much. So while it's great that I hold myself accountable I have to be careful not to put too much blame on myself because it facilitates self loathing.